


Can't Lose You

by Totallynotashieldagent



Series: Prompts and Requests [22]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Post War, Smut, Wakanda, pre infinity war, pre war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-01-30 17:27:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 23,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12658107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totallynotashieldagent/pseuds/Totallynotashieldagent
Summary: You were with Bucky before the war but then things changed





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Request - allure_chan
> 
> It was a bunch of prompts that merged into one
> 
> 1 - Reader has powers like Sebastian Shaw  
> 2 - Reader and Bucky were together before the war  
> 3 - The Reader is still around after Steve unfreezes and WS comes to light

* * *

  **Before**

* * *

 

 

"Are you sure you want to do this," You asked Bucky for the thousandth time

 

"'Course, I do, doll," He smiled at you 

 

"Well, then I'll enlist as well," You said as determination took over you

 

Bucky's face fell at that comment, "You can't do that," He brushed his thumb against your cheek, "I need you to be here when I get back," He offered, "And make sure Steve doesn't do anything stupid," He laughed and you smiled too 

 

"I'm just saying," You took a deep breath, "Wouldn't it be better if we went together," 

 

"It's a dangerous world, doll," He began but swatted his hand away

 

"You're just as human as I am," You looked at him angrily 

 

"I can't live without you but I know you're stronger than me," He whispered

 

Bucky didn't know about your mutantcy. He was right, however, that you were stronger than him. You had lost many lovers over the course of your long life but you hadn't grown old with Bucky like you had with others

 

The romance was still young, perhaps, that's why it was so heartbreaking for him to go off to war. His youth wasted on old men's dreams of power

 

"I'm not ready to let go," You whispered as you felt the tears coming on, "Not yet," 

 

"Don't worry," Bucky smiled through his watery eyes, "I'll come back to you," 

 

* * *

  **During**

* * *

 

"I'm going to enlist," Steve argued

 

"What is wrong with you," You groaned, "One of these days, you're going to get caught, Steve," You stared at him, "Or worse, they'll take you in,"

 

"Men and women are laying down their lives for the country," He didn't back down, "Why can't I do the same,"

 

"Steve," You sighed, "You know exactly why," 

 

"I'm still going," He refused to let it go

 

"Fine," You caved

 

"I'm telling you, Y/N," He began, "I'm going to enlist! Wait, what," Steve suddenly realized what you'd just said

 

"But we're both going," You smirked

 

"Buck's gonna kill both of us if the war doesn't," He couldn't help but laugh 

 

* * *

 

"What the fuck," Bucky gasped when he saw you after Steve rescuing them

 

"Hey stranger," You hugged him

 

"How are you here," His smiled turned into a frown, "Why are you here," 

 

"You told me to not let Steve do anything stupid," You began, "So, I came along," 

 

"She's the chaperone," Steve exclaimed 

 

"I believe they were having a moment," Peggy whispered harshly as she tugged him way 

 

"Hi," Bucky said softly and you couldn't help but smile

 

"I thought I lost you," You confessed 

 

"I'm not that easy to lose," Bucky said cheesily as you kissed him fiercely 

 

You poured out your heart into it and for the moment, the world stood still and all that mattered was the fact that he was in your arms and you were in his

 

* * *

 

"Hey," A small voice woke you up

 

"You're not supposed to be here," You whispered as Bucky's face came into focus 

 

"Come on," He urged you, "I want to show you something," 

 

You swung your legs off the bed and lazily followed him out of the barracks

 

"Is this even safe," You groaned, "I was sleeping and have such a nice drea-," He pulled you close to himself before you could finish his sentence

 

"I'm sure I could do better, doll," Even in the darkness, his eyes shined 

 

You didn't know whether it was the rush of the war or the fact it was night and anyone could find the two of you but you pushed against Bucky completely and placed a hungry kiss on his lips

 

The teeth collided harshly and Bucky hissed in pain but you didn't let go and his arms wrapped around your waist, tugging you closer 

 

"I could definitely do better than the dream," He mumbled into your lips and you could help but giggle

 

You pulled away and looked at Bucky, his face was still out of focus, "I don't want to lose you," You whispered and he promised you again that you wouldn't lose him

 

"You're not gonna, doll," He assured you many times

 

"I need you to do something for me," Bucky pulled away as he placed a small box in your hand, "Keep this until I get back," 

 

He kissed you again and you never opened the box

 

* * *

 

Things changed

 

Bucky fell and Steve's plane crashed

 

You went into hiding as you faked your own death. The power over energy gave you an almost immortal life

 

Finding a source, you pulled enough into yourself to reverse your age until you were a teenager and began a life elsewhere

 

It wasn't until a few years later that you gathered the courage to open the small box that Bucky had given you. Inside, [a ring](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/8f/21/08/8f21081a821f3cfdf85b9d869c01787a.jpg) stared at you and your heart broke once again. 

 

He was going to ask to marry you but he never got the chance to. 

 

* * *

 

Decades passed, you had gone through life normally but kept the ring on a chain around your neck, lying that it was your grandmother's and you couldn't bear to part with it.

 

You got old and then you moved away, only reversing your age slightly, never to arouse suspicion but a part of you had died with Bucky.  

 

You would be lying if you said that you remembered everything. You'd lived for centuries but you couldn't recall all of it. Some things were a blur, like your first lover in the 17th century. Some things were clear, like Bucky's laughter that used to echo. 

 

* * *

**After**

* * *

 

 

When the news broke of Steve being found, your heart couldn't take it

 

You'd paced around your apartment so much that you'd almost burnt your carpet 

 

You tried to meet him but he was always surrounded by people, his fans and teammates 

 

Apart from that, the world really had changed far too much, it was getting increasingly difficult to find sources of energy to reverse your ageing process

 

You were pushing 70, Steve could never recognize you like this

 

Desperate measures called for desperate ways and everything fell into place when the sky tore open and the aliens began to drop like raindrops; their weapons gave you enough strength for you to be restored to your prime and give you enough power to hold store it as well

 

* * *

 

"Steve," You gasped as you burst into the small shwarma shop

 

"Y/N," Steve was wide-eyed when he saw you, "What game are you playing now, Loki," He glared at you as the redhead assassin cocked a gun

 

"No, it's really me," You spoke, "I'm a mutant," You put your hands up 

 

"How do we know you're not lying," Natasha asked as she pointed her gun at you

 

"Shoot me and you'll know," You smirked and she did

 

"Nat," Steve gasped but you stood unfazed

 

"Mutant," You whispered again 

 

"Checks out," Natasha shrugged as she sat back down

 

You and Steve collapsed in a hug

 

"I can't believe it's really you," He repeated

 

"I can't believe you survived," You smiled through the tears

 

For a moment, everything was perfect 

 

* * *

 

"Bucky," Steve couldn't breathe

 

"Who the hell is Bucky," The man shot back 

 

* * *

 

Despite the smudged eye makeup, you knew those eyes; you would've known those eyes anywhere 

 

* * *

 

"Is it really him," You whispered into the phone, "I can't believe it's him,"

 

"I know," Steve sighed, "He didn't even recognize me," 

 

"What did they do to him," The tears began to fall, "That's not our Bucky, it's not  _him_ ," You cried 


	2. Chapter 2

Your chest heaved as you ran towards the crash site, "Bucky!" You screamed again, "Steve?" You called out but no answer came and that's when you saw it. 

 

Bucky was dragging Steve's unconscious body out of the water and walking away. You wanted to make sure Steve was alright but you  _had_  to go after Bucky first, so, that's what you did. You ran towards your ex-lover. He walked slowly and limped, that's why you were able to catch up to him. 

 

"Bucky," You spoke unsurely as you got close enough. His icy gaze turned to you and stared; looking as if trying to remember, "Hey," You walked closer, "I'm not gonna hurt you," 

 

"Can't hurt me," His voice was gruff and almost foreign to you 

 

"I won't even try," You explained, "I'm Y/N," You swallowed, "Come on, I'll keep you safe," 

 

You offered him your hand and the chaos around the two of you seemed to melt away. His eyes flicked down to your extended hand and up to meet your gaze again. He weighed his options, unsure of what to do. 

 

"SHIELD's gone," You began, "Please, come with me. You've got nothing to lose," 

 

Bucky looked at you for a long while, "Please," You begged this time and he nodded. His eyes were still flicking all over you, making sure that you weren't a threat. 

 

* * *

 

"This can be your home for as long as you like," You stated as you led him inside your suburban house

 

Living forever meant a huge fortune and that brought you a lavish lifestyle. However, you'd invested most of it and bought a house big enough for a family; you lived alone. A kitchen, dining room and a lounge on the ground floor and three bedrooms on the first floor. 

 

"Why?" It was the second thing he'd said to you. 

 

"I'll tell you everything you ask me about," You explained, "But first, I need you to clean up. I'll run you a warm bath and make you dinner. You can ask me whatever you want over dinner. Is that alright?" 

 

He nodded again. 

 

"Okay," You smiled, "I'll call you when the bath is ready, you stay here," 

 

You hurried off to the bathroom in your room and turned on the tap. The water was hot enough to steam the mirrors. You added bubbles and scented oils, just so he could feel better. You remembered that he adored your rose perfume so you added that scent. If his eyes didn't remind him who you were then maybe the smell would. 

 

"Alright," You announced as you walked down the stairs, "You can come now," Your heart broke to see him standing still exactly where you'd left him

 

You approached him with slow movements, "Hey, come on," You held his right hand firmly and led him up the stairs, "I'm going to take your clothes off now," You stated before you started to undo the buckles and straps. Bucky moved slowly and handed you his gun. You took it gingerly and put it on the bed. 

 

"Are you my new handler?" His voice seemed echoed in the empty room and your eyes filled with tears that were threatening to spill 

 

"No," You breathed, "I'm your friend," 

 

"Like Steve," Bucky said unsurely and you nodded as you wiped your tears 

 

"Yeah, like Steve. He's my friend too," You said softly.

 

Soon enough, Bucky stood in his boxers, "I'm going to take these off and then you can step into the tub," You explained but he suddenly grabbed your hand with a painfully tight grip, "You can keep them on if you want," You said quickly, "You can tell me whatever you don't want to do and we won't do it," 

 

He nodded at your words, "Do you want me to stay or do you want me to make you something to eat?" You asked as he slowly sat down and let the water cover his body.

 

The scars that branched from his left arm like lightning was heartbreaking for you. You remembered his body from before. No marks on his skin other than the ones you would leave. 

 

"Hungry," He stated and you nodded 

 

"Call for me if you need anything," You told him, "Y/N," You reminded him your name

 

"Y/N," He hummed but his voice wasn't his own and your name didn't sound the same from him anymore

 

"Yeah, just like that," You smiled, "But a little louder, alright?" 

 

He nodded and you left the bathroom, but kept the door open. You rummaged through your closet to find something that would fit him. Exboyfriend's clothes, forgotten clothes, anything. You found a tracksuit pyjama and an alum hoodie. 

 

"I've put out some clothes for your on the bed," You said loudly, "You can wear them when you come out," 

 

You walked back to the kitchen, unsure of everything. You didn't know what to make for him, you didn't know if you should notify someone that he was with you and you didn't know even if he was safe enough to be around you. 

 

You took a deep breath and began to make pasta. It was the quickest thing you could make. Your hands were shaking throughout for Bucky. He'd been so full of life and hope, his eyes would shine when he smiled and now... Now he was some old man's weapon because he'd been hungry for power. Bucky was corrupted but inside, you hoped that he could be healed. You didn't even realize when it began but the tears started to spill. You weren't crying but you couldn't stop either and the tears fell while you made no sound. 

 

You had seen many things over the decades but this was by far the most painful. A man tortured into submission. A man that had gone to die in a war with his own will. His choice stripped from him. His choice to die, his choice to do anything; everything was stolen from him. 

 

You didn't hear Bucky come down or when he sat at the counter. It was the sound of the gun being placed on the countertop that made you turn around; the handle was towards you.

 

"Hey, Buck," You smiled warmly, "Did you dry off properly?" 

 

He nodded firmly and you fell quiet again.  _How am I supposed to talk to a man that doesn't say anything?_  You thought to yourself

 

"What's this for?" You looked at the gun, "You don't need weapons right now. You're safe here," 

 

"For you," He stated as he looked off into a distance, you didn't understand why would you need a gun. 

 

Bucky sat with his back straight, without expression and waiting for an order

 

"I'm going to give you something to eat now," You said slowly, "You can ask for more if you want," 

 

You put a bowl full of pasta in front of him and sat across him on the island in the kitchen. 

 

"Go on," You said softly and began to eat your own, showing him how to go about it

 

"We have same?" His words dripped of surprise

 

"Yes, of course," You nodded, "How did you eat before?"

 

"Didn't," He stated as his spoon dug into the bowl and he devoured it quickly, "More," 

 

You saw him finish the entire pot and some of yours as well. You didn't feel hungry after seeing him eat.  _How long had you been starved?_  You cursed internally 

 

"Do you want to ask me something," You questioned as you sat in silence

 

He nodded but his eyes were glued to his lap

 

"You don't have to ask them right now," You explained, "We can talk about it whenever you prefer," 

 

Bucky nodded once more and bit inside of your cheek, you were really out of your depth. 

 

"I'll show you where you'll be sleeping," You announced and stood up, "Come on," You stated and Bucky followed you without question

 

You led him up the stairs and showed him the bedroom that was across yours. You knew fairly well that Bucky could hurt you but you had enough energy saved to hurt him back if need be. You explained to him that your room's door will be open if he needed anything. Bucky didn't say anything throughout; he nodded at the appropriate moments, but no words left his lips. 

 

He handed you the gun again and went to sit on his bed. 

 

"Call for me if you need anything," You repeated yourself for the hundredth time 

 

* * *

 

 _What am I going to do?_  You asked yourself, again and again, crying yourself to sleep as the night fell. 

 

You back was towards the door because you couldn't bear the thought to waking up and looking at Bucky in that condition. His eyes dead and his mouth tight. 

 

 _What did those bastards do to you?_  You slowly drifted off to sleep, telling yourself to take one day at a time


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky wasn't doing great but he wasn't regressing either; he was doing relatively better. He kept handing you that damned gun all the time and now it was a generally accepted thing. You wished that he'd stop thinking of you as his handler but pictures back then weren't so common, and the only picture you could show him of the two of you was with Steve with the two of you. You weren't sure if you should show it to him just yet but after two months had passed, you decided that it was time.

 

"Bucky," You knocked on his door and entered, he was always by the window, just looking into the distance, "Would you please come here? I have to show you something," 

 

He nodded and sat on the edge of the bed, "I need you to be closer," You almost whispered and you saw him swallow before he came nearer, "I'm going to show you a picture from... before," You explained and he nodded again 

 

You handed him the picture. You stood in the stunning cocktail dress with a string of pearls around your neck as you leaned towards Bucky; his arm wrapped around your waist and his other arm draped over Steve's shoulders. He was smaller then, before the procedure, before you all went to war. Maybe that's why all your faces were so full of life and smiling like it was the best night ever.

 

"Steve," Bucky mumbled as he ran his hand over the picture, "You?" His brows furrowed and you nodded, "Frozen?" He asked and you shook your head 

 

"Friends," He whispered and you nodded again, "Alive. How?" 

 

"I wasn't frozen," You explained, "I'm a mutant. Do you know what a mutant is?" Bucky shook his head, "Do you know what enhanced is?" He nodded, "Mutants that are naturally enhanced. That's how they're born, not like enhanced ones," You looked at Bucky and he nodded, suggesting that he understood, "So, I'm a mutant. I was born very long ago. I don't remember exactly when," You smiled and Bucky's lips curled slightly as well, "I can manipulate energy. Make myself younger, protect myself, and other stuff too but it's all energy,"

 

"Friends before war," Bucky's whispered as his eyes fell back down to the photo 

 

"Good friends," You tried to remind him, "Do you want to know more?" He nodded and that's how it started 

 

The weekly visits to the museum where Bucky got to know about Steve and you. You hadn't been part of the Howling Commandos so information about your wasn't as widespread. The other pictures that you had with Bucky showed how much in love the two of you had been. Steve had a way of capturing those moments. He would take pictures of the silent kisses that Bucky gave you, the way he stared at you when you weren't looking and there was one when the two of you had fallen asleep on Steve's couch and Bucky was holding you as if you might slip away if he let go.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't until ten months had passed that Steve called you.

 

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while," Steve asked with concern

 

"Yeah, just stuff kept piling up and now I'm swamped," You told a half-truth 

 

"Well, why don't you take some time off and we'll go for lunch. It's been criminally long," He laughed and you smiled as well

 

"How about you come over on Sunday morning? We'll have breakfast," You offered instead, "We need to talk anyway," 

  


* * *

 

"We're going to have a visitor today," You told Bucky and his eyes went wide with terror, "It's a friend," 

 

"Who?" His voice was low 

 

"Steve," You smiled but his face still held a frown, "Don't worry," You sat in front of him at the window, "He cares for you. He'll be happy to see you,"

 

"Happy?" Bucky repeated and you nodded 

 

"Just like I'm happy that you're here," You told him

 

"Why?" His question caught you off guard, you knew it was too early to tell him that you and him were something more than just friends, the ring that you wore around your neck, always tucked inside your shirt was a testament to it

 

"Because I missed you for a very long time," You explained, "And I'm  _happy_  that I found you again," 

 

Before he could say anything, the bell rung, "That's Steve. Come down in five minutes, alright?" You asked and he nodded

 

You hated that he followed orders but the issue was the fact that he wouldn't listen if it wasn't an order. You walked down the stairs and opened the door for Steve who stood with a wide grin, holding a bouquet of flowers

 

"Ma always said  _never go empty-handed_ ," Steve smiled and you hugged him

 

"How are you doing now?" You asked as you led him into the lounge and put the flowers in a vase

 

"I'm better," Steve sat at the kitchen counter, "We're still looking for him. No leads but I  _know_  he's out there," 

 

_He's closer than you would think,_  You thought to yourself

 

"What's kept you so busy that you can't visit such an old friend?" Steve grinned 

 

"About that," You whispered and Bucky walked down the stairs, "Another old friend," You flicked your eyes and Steve turned to look at his childhood friend

 

"Buck," A whisper escaped his lips and silence fell as the two just looked at each other

 

"You know me?" Steve asked unsurely

 

"You're Steve," Bucky spoke slowly, "I read about you at the museum," 

 

"You're lying," Steve stood up, "You pulled me out of the river, you know me," 

 

Bucky's eyes met yours and then looked at Steve at again. There was tension in the room, a thick air of things unsaid. 

 

"How about we eat first and then talk?" You tried to calm down the atmosphere but it didn't help as Bucky strode past Steve and sat next to you, almost protectively 

 

You served breakfast and Bucky's eyes never wavered from Steve. He didn't hold his gaze but he kept staring; looking for threats and stayed on edge. 

 

"Bucky," You spoke softly and he looked at you, "You know Steve, right?" 

 

His eyes moved to Steve from you, who was hoping that Bucky would say something  positive, "Yeah," His voice was raspy 

 

"Tell me something you can't read in a museum," Steve asked and you shifted uncomfortably 

 

"Your mom's name was Sarah," Bucky said after a long silence, "You used to wear newspapers in your shoes," 

 

"You know who she is?" Steve pointed to you and you tried to stop Steve with your eyes but it was too late

 

"Y/N," Bucky stated, "I was gonna marry her," 

 

Your heart stopped beating and the world went silent. Bucky knew you. He knew you. He remembered that he loved you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEEELLLSSSSSSS  
> all the bucky feeeellls <3


	4. Chapter 4

The silence was deafening. You still couldn't believe it.

 

"You remembered..." You gasped softly and Bucky nodded guiltily, "We'll talk about this later," You smiled as you stood up and put the dishes in the sink, "You and Steve need to catch up first," 

 

You almost ran up the stairs, leaving the two men in the kitchen. You still couldn't believe that Bucky had actually  _remembered_  that he was going to ask you to marry him. 

 

* * *

 

"You been alright?" Steve was unsure of his question

 

"She helps," Bucky said slowly, "Tells me stories from... before," 

 

"And you remember," Steve asked

 

"Sometimes," Bucky answered, "Some things are clear, some things... she reminds me of them," 

 

"When you did you know it was Y/N," Steve pressed

 

"When I saw the ring around her neck," Bucky gave a sad smile 

 

"I missed you, Buck," Steve stood up and sat next to Bucky

 

"Why?" Bucky couldn't understand the kindness 

 

"Because I swore to be with you til the end of the line, pal," Steve reminded him, "I'm not the guy that backs down," 

 

The two men spoke to each other for a while; Steve spoke more because he was just happy to see his best friend again. Bucky listened, short sentences growing longer as the conversation progressed. 

 

"I know a guy," Steve explained, "He's far away but he can help... With whatever  _they_  put inside you,"

 

"I can't leave her," Bucky stated, "Not again," 

 

"Y/N can come too," Steve placed his hand on Bucky's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze, "We'll figure it out. It'll be alright as long as we're together," 

 

* * *

 

It was almost evening when you were woken up by the knock on your door. You had cried yourself to sleep; you couldn't understand why wouldn't Bucky tell you that he remembered. 

 

You jolted up and saw the darkness in the room and the fading light of the sun coming through the window. There were no knocks when you woke up so you had no idea if you dreamt it or Bucky had come around to your room. 

 

Tears stained your face and your eyes were bloodshot. You splashed cold water on your skin and stared at yourself in the mirror.  _Breathe, breathe, breathe,_  You chanted to yourself

 

You exited your room and went down to fix dinner. Your brain was in turmoil; Bucky knew who you were but he still said nothing.  _Why?_  You kept asking yourself but you had no answer. Quietly, you began to make dinner. You preferred ordering out but you figured that making things Bucky liked from before would help him remember; you didn't know it was working that well.  

 

"Y/N," Bucky's cracked voice echoed in the kitchen 

 

"Bucky," You smiled as you turned around, "Dinner's just about ready, why don't you sit down," 

 

He looked at you and awkwardly slid onto the seat in front of the counter. You busily set the plates and glasses, whereas Bucky's eyes just kept following you. 

 

"Y/N," He finally spoke again and you turned around to see the guilt in his eyes, "Sorry for not telling," 

 

"No, no," You rushed to his side, "Don't be sorry," 

 

In that moment, all your knowledge for how to deal with psychological traumas went out the door as you held his face tenderly and told him repeatedly that he had nothing to apologize for

 

"Should've told you," He whispered and you shook your head

 

"You're not obligated to tell me anything you don't want to," You told him fiercely, "You're a  _free_  man, you're free to do what you please, you're free to say what you please," 

 

"I'm leaving with Steve," He stated suddenly and your world stopped

 

"Where are you going?" You whispered as you heart filled with dread and your hands pulled away from his face

 

"Away," Bucky avoided your gaze, "I'll go tomorrow," 

 

"Sure, I'll pack your things," You turned away and kept your voice even, "Well, just be safe," 

 

You set out dinner and began eating with a soft smile plastered on your face and sadness in your eyes. Bucky wasn't alright but he was a trained assassin and you might have had a long life but he had been taught to read people. He knew that leaving you was a bad idea but he wanted to be better for you. He wanted for them to take away the words that could turn him into a weapon once again. 

 

* * *

 

The house echoed with silence. You had packed everything for him at night but your heart broke to see that Bucky had left without even saying goodbye in the morning. 

 

* * *

 

"Hello," You answered your phone as you put the TV on mute, there was footage of an explosion playing 

 

"Y/N," Steve's voice came through, "I'm so sorry, I had  _no idea_  that Buck left without saying anything!"

 

"It's alright," You lied, "I understand where he's coming from," 

 

"No, it's not alright," Steve said in a hushed tone, "Y/N, I want you to know that he's doing this for you,"

 

"I don't..." Confusion hit you, "What do you mean?" 

 

"He wan- b- sa- you-," Steve's voice began to break 

 

"Hello? Steve, I can't hear you," You spoke loudly but there was no point

 

The connection was lost. Bucky had left two weeks ago and now the news was flooded with the death of T'Chaka with the implication that Bucky had done it. 

 

 _Why did you have to go?_  You turned back to look at the TV which had Bucky's face on it,  _I could've kept you safe_

* * *

 

You felt helpless. You didn't know how your world was crashing down. You didn't know who to call or talk to. The only one you knew was Steve and even he had been labelled as a fugitive. After living for so long, you knew well enough that there were always three sides to every story. The winner's side, the loser's side and the truth. Steve was your oldest friend in the present time but your world had been shaken hard enough that you were questioning everything. 

 

* * *

 

Seven months later, your phone lit up with a blocked number trying to call you.  You answered it but didn't say anything.

 

"Y/N," You heard Steve's voice come through, "Don't talk, just listen,"

 

You swallowed. You knew what was happening. He was calling from a secure line but your phone could still be tapped. You gave a shaky breath and he knew that you were on the line.

 

"Click any button twice so I know it's you," He stated and you pressed the number 3, "Okay," He relaxed, "Oh thank god I found you," 

 

Your lips parted but you pressed your hand to your mouth

 

"I need you to pack everything and go to the airport. Ask for Ayo and then tell her  _I'm worried about flying because a storm might be coming_ ," He spoke, "Do you understand?" 

 

You pressed another button to send a bleep to Steve

 

"You'll board a plane, don't worry about your passport," He said hurriedly, "I want to bring you to a safe house. If you want to come, I hope you do... Get to desk number 7 at midnight. Tonight" He paused, "It's gonna be hot," 

 

The line dropped and you finally took a breath. Was Steve really trying to smuggle you out the country? Did you want the US government on your back? These questions rushed to you but then you remembered that on paper, you were supposed to be 95 years old. You looked at your phone again, it was noon. You had at least ten hours to make the decision. 

 

"Fuck it," You whispered to yourself as you pulled out your largest suitcase. 

 

Steve wanted to smuggle you without telling you anything? Fine, you'll do it but you'll complain throughout while being difficult on top of everything else. You put in all sorts of clothes because the only indication of the weather you had been given was that would be  _hot_. How hot? Again, you weren't sure. 

 

* * *

 

"Where you going?" The cab driver tried to make conversation

 

"It's a surprise!" You said cheerfully, "It's my birthday, so my friends are taking me for a surprise trip,"

 

The driver laughed and made a comment about you having  _true_  friends and you laughed with him. Lying came so easily to you, it even shocked you at times. 

 

* * *

 

"Can I help you, ma'am?" The man asked you at the desk

 

"Yes, I'm looking for Ayo," You said unsurely as you looked at the number seven behind him

 

"And why is that?" A heavily accented voice asked you

 

When you turned to look, needless to say, you felt out of your depth. The dark woman  _commanded_  space and she was looking at you as if weighing her options about what to do with you. You cleared your throat as her eyes swept over you and your luggage as if looking for threats. 

 

"Um..." You were off to a shaky start, "I was just a little worried about flying," You swallowed, "I was told that a storm might be coming," 

 

Ayo nodded and turned to walk away. You followed her wordlessly, you massive suitcase being dragged along as well.

 

"Was it necessary to pack so much?" She cast you a side glance 

 

"I don't even know where I'm going," You confessed

 

"I can assume that perhaps our  _friend_  wasn't very clear," Ayo got into the elevator and you followed

 

"Not exactly," You agreed, "All I knew was where to go, what to say and expect warm weather," 

 

Ayo had a smirk on her face, not a smile, no. It was a smirk, perhaps it was the most that she could pass off as a smile. 

 

"Things will be clear soon enough," She stated and a plain black jet came into view

 

Another dark-skinned man took your suitcase and you followed Ayo into the private plane with an extravagant interior. 

 

"May I ask where are we going?" You finally asked as the plane took off

 

"Wakanda," Ayo answered and you sat dumbfounded 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i swear to god this was supposed to be a one shot


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader's past

The first time it had happened, you were about 17 years old. If you remembered correctly, the year was 1693. Or something around that time. A queen had died in England but that's all you could signify during that time. 

 

There was a famine as well and someone had shot you for a bag of wheat. It did nothing to you but your fear made the bullet ricocheted back to him. That was your first up-close encounter with death. You were numb with shock but the scene kept replaying in your head. The bullet was absorbed into you and shot back. You prayed to every god and goddess you knew of, you went to every place of worship to rid you of the devil. 

 

Afterall, witch trials were on the rise and you didn't want to be another one, but you were. 

 

His name was Adam or Adrian, or something of the sort. It had been so long ago, honestly. Your father was hitting you for not getting married off to the rich stranger that he'd arranged for you. You were almost 27, too old by society views. He kept hitting you until a rush of energy came from you and your father was pushed away, breaking the windows in the process. The screams had attracted someone's attention and when he saw you mutantcy, he reported you to the Chruch. 

 

You hoped that they'd hang you but no, they decided to _burn_ you. An event for all to see. Your small town decided to have a witch trial of their own and once more, someone decided to shoot you to prove a point. Your heart thundered in your temples because you  _knew_  what was going to happen. 

 

They strung you up and lit the fire but to your surprise, the flame did nothing to you. You felt a power growing inside you and a thirst for vengeance. You never wanted to hurt anyone but still, they had decided to sign your death sentence. Your screams could've been heard for miles but then a silence fell. The whole town crumbled to dust and you believed for the longest time that perhaps that devil did reside inside you. 

 

A wave of energy flattened the town and you were the centre point of it. You didn't know your own strength and couldn't control it either. The fire had fueled you and you had emptied yourself of all the energy inside; making yourself younger in the process as well.  

 

So you did what anyone in your position could do... You ran. You were barely eleven again, anyone could take pity on you. 

 

* * *

 

When you turned 20 again, you met your first lover. You couldn't remember his name but his smile,  _god, his smile_ , it used to make your heart thunder. His laugh used to echo in your one bedroom house, loud and rambunctious. However, when you couldn't give him any children, he left. 

 

For the longest time, you thought that there was something wrong with you, however, you next lover proved that there wasn't. 

 

At 25, you had a baby daughter. The pain was excruciating but you didn't die, even though everyone thought that you would. The baby died a year later due to pneumonia because the windows had been left open one night. Pain and grieve had rendered you ageing rapidly. You  _husband_  left as well and you understood that it was just how the world worked. 

 

* * *

 

You packed your bags at 40 and left to travel the new world. A new country came into being in the Middle East and you ventured close to the equator. Over your travels, you decided that you wanted to live. You wanted to live for as long as you could. 

 

* * *

 

Up in the mountains in Nepal, at the age of 60, you finally discovered that you weren't a witch. The elder woman had told you that you were a newer breed of humans, chosen by the universe to lead the weak and sick. She taught you how to harness your powers but you still needed a large quantity to reverse your age. You had been on your deathbed at the age of 97 when the Ancient One had decided that you were to live longer. 

 

When you asked her why were you granted the opportunity, she had simply smiled and told you that you had a long way to go. 

 

You'd come to Nepal at the age of 60 and lived till 97, however, when you left, you were 15 once more.

 

* * *

 

At 21, you finally came to the United States. You kept your head down and tried to earn a living. You opened your first bank account with barely any money at all. You began your life and felt that perhaps now you could settle down. 

 

This time, however, your interest wasn't captured by a man. It was a fiery-tempered brunette that took no shit that sparked something inside you that you weren't even aware of. She had a heavy accent and wasn't from the States. She was from Greece and had been visiting with her fiance. Her name, you could never forget. It was Calliope, like the goddess of poetry and it suited her perfectly. 

 

You two grew as friends and then lovers rapidly but then the times were much different and she left as quickly as she had come. 

 

* * *

 

You moved around a lot. You would move to another city, another state, growing old, having a string of lovers and then finding a source of energy to become young again. Though fire would have become a perfectly good source, your fear of it remained. Your first  _supposed_ death was something of a painful memory and something that you might never be able to forget. 

 

Times changed slowly and you saw the rise and fall of nations, governments and alike. Deaths of stars and births of legends that would too come to pass. Age brought you wisdom and you knew slowly where to make the right investments. Using your mother's name sometimes and then your grandmother's and then, your own name for documents. The day and age would bring different fashions and everyone would comment how you looked exactly like your mother, they didn't know that you were all just one person. 

 

Slowly, your fortune grew and you were a wealthy woman with a world of possibilities. You'd seen wars tear apart nations and forge unlikely alliances but you'd never thought that you would truly find love amongst your lovers. 

 

* * *

 

You were 22 when you met James Buchanan Barnes, or rather, you were 22 when you met Steve Rogers and then by default, you met Bucky. 

 

* * *

 

You cast another glance at Steve who stood at you side with a black eye. You knocked on the door that Steve had led you to. 

 

"You know," You began, "Next time you go fighting," You looked at him, "Always keep your hands up and cover your face, tighten your core," 

 

"You ain't gonna tell me to stop picking on guys bigger than me?" Steve smiled 

 

"Nah," You shrugged, "You seem like the guy who doesn't back down," 

 

He laughed and the door swung open; you were met with eyes that took your breath away.

 

"Steve? What trouble he get in now?" The man asked as he looked at the both of you 

 

"No trouble," You lied, "He fell down and I figured I could accompany him for a walk," 

 

The man cocked a brow and Steve smiled innocently, "Come on in," He stated and you followed the smaller man inside the apartment 

 

"Can I get you some water?" The man asked, "We ain't got nothin' fancy, though," He chuckled and you smiled

 

"It's alright," You told him sweetly 

 

"Go clean up," He told Steve and he nodded

 

"Thanks for walkin' with me, Y/N," Steve smiled and left the room 

 

"Thanks for bringin' him back," The man sat down, "I usually am with him but today I had to stay in, my sister's supposed to be home soon," 

 

"Don't worry about it," You assured him and his eyes swept over you 

 

You were wearing a string of pearls and your dressed look expensive, he couldn't understand why you were on their side of the city

 

"My manners are gettin' lost on me," He laughed and it was such a deep laugh, it could drown out the world's noise, "I'm Bucky," 

 

"Y/N," You nodded, "Don't be too hard on him," You referred to Steve

 

"Punk's always getting in fights," Bucky shook his head, "I know he didn't fall,"

 

You smirked and nodded. A silence fell as there was just  _something_  about the way Bucky was looking at you with a lopsided grin. You couldn't tear away from his gaze either. You knew the look in his eyes and you didn't know if you wanted to leap just yet.  

 

"Well, I must be off," You gathered yourself as you stood up 

 

"You can't go just yet," Steve's voice cut through the heavy tension between you and Bucky, "You gotta stay for dinner," He urged you 

 

You looked at Steve and realized that no one could ever say no to the blue-eyed blonde

 

"Sure," You found yourself saying and everything else just faded away

 

* * *

 

You jerked awake as a man towered over you, "We are about to land," He told you with a thick accent 

 

You nodded and buckled yourself in; from the window, you saw stunning greenery and through it all, a magnificent country coming into view with massive statutes of panthers. 

 

"Welcome to  _my_  country," Ayo said with an air of pride and you couldn't blame her, if this had been your country, you would've never left, but then, you couldn't even remember what country you had been born in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yup - reader is bi ? i just feel like, no one can live THAT long and just be into ONE gender   
> yesss - i threw in a bit of nepal in their too because helllooo the ancient one is fucking ANCIENT ????
> 
> aannnddd so yup - someone had asked me for the reader's backstory and that's basically the summary of it !!


	6. Chapter 6

"Glad you could make it," Steve with a smirk and you released a burst of energy that made him stumble

 

" _That_ was for taking off without thinking things through," You said angrily and pushed him again, " _That's_ for getting branded as a fugitive," You sent off a particularly strong wave, making him hold onto a table so he wouldn't fall over and your eyes were practically lit, "And  _that's_  for not telling me anything about anything!" 

 

"I understand your anger is well placed, Ms Y/L/N," A soft and strong voice came from behind, "However, if you wish, you may harm this man outside. I would not like for my people to have to clean this room," He looked around the spotless room that shined against the brilliant lighting 

 

Your eyes went wide, anyone would know who he was. T'Challa, the King of the very palace in which you were standing. 

 

"Your Highness," You gave a graceful bow, "Thank you for accommodating me," 

 

"This is highly appreciated," T'Challa smiled, "It has been a long time since someone from your side of the world has shown  _respect_ to royalty," 

 

You gave a weak smile and Steve gathered himself, he'd never seen you angry before

 

"But then again," T'Challa walked closer, "A woman of your age must know a lot more than everyone else," 

 

That's when you swallowed. He knew about your long life, something which even Steve and Bucky weren't aware of. Even though your chest tightened, your smile didn't falter.

 

"One picks up a lot on their long way to death," You said with an air of arrogance and that earn a soft laugh from the King 

 

"Well said," He nodded, "Your luggage has been sent to your room and hopefully, you will be apologized to formally as well," T'Challa looked at Steve and smirked with his arms crossed over his chest

 

The silence grew as T'Challa walked away and you were left with Steve, "Talk," You voice was venomous 

 

"Y/N," Steve approached you and took a step back, "Come on," 

 

"No," You raised your hand, "Do you have any idea how worried I was about you? And Bucky too! I'm going to  _kill_ him for leaving without a word!" You almost shouted, "And then? Then, you all are on the damn news! Everyone's calling you a fugitive and Bucky a criminal as well as a murderer!" 

 

"It's a long story, Y/N," Steve tried to ease the tension

 

"Steven Grant Rogers," You fumed, "Don't you  _ever_  use that line on me," 

 

"You know what I meant," He huffed

 

"No, I don't," You stared at him, "Look," You pinched the bridge of your nose, "I know that you and Bucky would do anything for each other but when will both of you realize how unhealthy is this codependency?" 

 

Steve gasped like he'd just been told that Santa wasn't real, "It's not  _unhealthy_ ," 

 

"Really?" You laughed sarcastically, "Who went in for a suicide mission on the  _off_ chance that Bucky might recognize you?"

 

"But he did!" He protested

 

"Not the point!" You clapped your hands together, "It was lucky that he knew you because if he hadn't..." Your voice trailed off

 

"But he did," Steve said softly as he held your face, "He remembered me and he remembered you as well," 

 

"And then he left without a goodbye," Your heart became cold and you stared at Steve, "Why did you call me here?" 

 

"To protect you," He said as if it was the most obvious thing ever

 

"I've been around a long while," You sighed, "I don't  _need_  protection," 

 

"Well, we can also have a  _100s united_  club," Steve joked and you smirked as you contemplated if you should tell him

 

"I'm not 100," You smiled as you pulled away from his touch and walked off

 

"What do you mean?" He cocked a brow 

 

"I'm older," You said loudly as you left the room

 

"What do you mean?" Steve shouted from behind but you pretended not to hear him

 

A man was waiting outside for you and he took you to your room.

 

* * *

 

"Captain Rogers has a room down the hall," He told you slowly and you nodded as you entered the luxurious suite, "Press this button if you require something. The frequency will state the urgency of the matter," 

 

"Thank you," You said with a smile but the man just gave you a curt nod 

 

"Lunch will be in one hour," He informed you, "Someone will come to get you," 

 

You nodded and he left. It had been a long time since you'd been in a palace and amongst royalty. You stepped into the shower and tried to remember the etiquettes that one must observe when living royals.  

 

"Curtsy, eat until he eats, stand to greet if women come," You paced and tried to remember the details 

 

You'd only gone to a handful of palace engagements and even that was just before the revolution had begun. You wore a green dress that fell below your knees and pumps to accompany them. You did not want your heels clicking on the floor. You had no idea about the culture of Wakanda and you weren't planning on offending anyone. You twisted the chain around your neck between your fingers and looked at the ring once more. 

 

A knock echoed through the room and you opened a door

 

"If you are settled in," The woman stated, "I shall take you to lunch," 

 

"I'm ready," You smiled and closed the door behind yourself, "After you," You gestured and the woman gave a soft smile before continuing 

 

"May I ask your name?" You spoke softly and even then your voice seemed loud in the empty corridor

 

"It is Tishala," She told you, "I will be looking after the things you require," 

 

"Thank you," You said sincerely, "Would the King be joining us?"

 

"Lunch is a rather... informal occasion," She explained, "The King may choose to join you but do not be saddened if he does not," 

 

"I see," You nodded slowly, "Who is coming to lunch?"

 

"Your friends from the Americas," Tishala stated and you were brought to a large hall, "Everyone is seated inside," 

 

"Thank you for walking with me," You smiled, "I'll be seeing you," 

 

You slipped through the heavy door and found the very familiar head of blonde hair

 

"Glad you could make it," Steve walked up to you as he repeated his words from before and you rolled your eyes

 

"Don't test me, sweetheart," You joked 

 

"You might know them," He explained softly, "But they don't know you," 

 

You took Steve's arm and smiled widely, "Showtime, Rogers," You winked like you'd done so long ago

 

* * *

 

"Showtime, Rogers!" You shouted and your voice echoed in the apartment

 

"I'm comin'," Steve hurriedly pulled on his jacket and then met your eyes, "I still don't get why a dame like you is with Buck,"

 

You laughed loudly and gestured Steve to come nearer, "It's a secret," You winked at him and tied his tie, "You remember the steps?" 

 

Steve nodded and you placed his hand on your waist, "One, two, three," You said softly and you two began to sway without any music

 

Bucky wanted to go dancing and had roped you and Steve into it as well. Steve was worried about going but you had promised that you'd dance with him all night if he asked. Steve had asked that wouldn't Bucky mind and you had brushed him off by saying that Bucky would be happy that his best gal was dancing with his best pal. 

 

* * *

 

"You alright?" Steve whispered, "You zoned out there for a sec," 

 

"Yeah, just thinking about something," You shrugged it off 

 

"Well, who are you supposed to be?" A man came up to you with a smile so full of joy that you just felt happy in his presence

 

"Everyone," Steve spoke loudly, "This is Y/N. She was my friend before everything happened," 

 

"Before the whole accords thing?" The man cocked a brow

 

"No," You stated, "By before he means when he was still picking fights with guys twice his size in back alleys," 

 

"You really making that 100s club then, Rogers?" The man laughed and you smiled as well

 

"This is Sam," Steve sighed and Sam shook your hand

 

"Bucky doesn't talk much, so, maybe you can tell us about Steve's illegal days," Sam chuckled 

 

"I'd love to do that," You let go of Steve's arm and stood next to Sam 

 

"Oh, I like her," Sam smiled, "Where's he been hiding you?" 

 

" _Actually_ ," You began, "He's been hiding from me," 

 

Sam gasped dramatically, "No!" 

 

"Yes!" You said in the same manner

 

"Knock it off," Steve rolled his eyes and a few more people joined your side

 

He introduced you to Wanda, Clint and Scott, mainly the people that had fought alongside him. Basically, it was a gathering of fugitives in another continent. The redhead girl had smiled but her eyes were full of trouble. 

 

You kept glancing at the door all through lunch even though the conversation had flowed wonderfully. You learned that Wanda was an enhanced, whereas Sam and Scott were just very good at what they did and Clint was just an amazing marksman. You told them about how you and Steve had met, keeping the fact to yourself that you and Bucky were together. 

 

"What were you waiting for, good lookin'?" Sam nudged you 

 

"I thought Bucky would join us," You looked around and a silence fell

 

"Cap," Clint, "Didn't you tell her..." 

 

"Tell me what?" You began slowly 

 

"I was - I meant to - I mean, I was - I wanted to but..." Steve stuttered 

 

"Is he alright?" You dreaded the answer 

 

"He's fine," Sam patted your shoulder

 

"Then it's not a big deal," You smiled, "He's not been a fan of crowds and noise ever since he came back," 

 

"Yeah," Scott nodded, "That must be it," 

 

You saw Sam talk to Steve in hushed tones while Scott spoke to you

 

"So, how are you still around?" Scott asked the inevitable question, "Did you freeze too?" He chuckled

 

You shook your head and Clint joined you two, "She's a mutant," Clint explained on your behalf 

 

"What's your power?" Scott was suddenly very interested in your

 

"Energy," You said vaguely 

 

"Hey, Y/N," Steve called out and waved you over 

 

"Excuse me," You said politely and went to Steve, "What's going on?" You looked at him

 

"I - umm - walk with me," Steve asked and you nodded as he led you outside 

 

Corridor after corridor in silence, he finally brought you outside in the gardens 

 

"What's on your mind, kid?" You joked

 

"I need to tell you something," Steve shoved his hands into his pockets and avoided your gaze

 

"Steve," Your face fell, "You're scaring me. What's going on?" 

 

"Buck made me swear and you know I can't say no to him," He spoke softly and your brows furrowed

 

"Where is he?" You backed away, "What happened?" 

 

"He's safe," Steve said slowly and you didn't believe him 

 

"Lies," You whispered and ran back inside the palace 

 

"Tishala?" You called out, "Where's Tishala?" You asked the guards and they pointed the way

 

You ran to the kitchens and burst through the door, "I'm looking for Tishala," 

 

"Yes," She appeared in new, "Is all alright?" 

 

"Where's Bucky?" You asked on the verge of tears, "Sergent Barnes. Steve's friend. Umm - long hair, oh my god - blue eyes," You ranted details about him 

 

"I take you to him," She smiled and you nodded as the lump in your throat grew stiff 

 

She led you through a variety of corridors and up to another level, "Do not react with what you are about to see," Tishala warned you and you blinked away the tears 

 

She opened the door into a large lab and your heart stopped when you finally saw Bucky; frozen once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the name Tishala means one who has a strong willpower
> 
> annnddd dun dun dunnn buck's in cyro - i'm not sorry tho


	7. Chapter 7

You stared at Bucky's sleeping form for what seemed hours. It reminded you so much of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty because of the chamber in which he was kept, waiting to be awakened. You could only see his face through the frosted glass. His vitals were being monitored and all the others in the lab had only given you a glance before getting on with their work

 

Tishala stood behind, patiently waiting for you. 

 

"How long has he been here?" Your voice was broken 

 

"He was put to sleep a week after he arrived," She explained and your heart broke

 

Steve knew about this but still, he brought you here. Your skin was growing hotter by the second and you were blinking away the tears that were threatening to spill. 

 

"I see Steve told you about his friend," T'Challa entered and saw you in the lab

 

When you finally met his eyes, his face fell. You weren't just feeling hot, you were beginning to emit heat and your eyes were glassy with tears building up.

 

"He didn't tell me anything," Your voice was barely a whisper 

 

"Excuse us," T'Challa spoke loudly and everyone nodded to leave; soon enough, it was just you and T'Challa in the lab along with Bucky in his chamber

 

You sunk down to your knees and the tears fell like raindrops as you cried your heart out

 

"I'm tired of this," You gasped, "Enough. I can't go on _forever_ ," 

 

T'Challa's posture was firm but his eyes spoke another story. He looked at you, unsure if he was to be a good man or a good king. He chose the former and sat on the chair beside the chamber. You cried until your eyes dried up. You leaned against the icy glass of the chamber as your bloodshot eyes swept over the lab. Your chest heaved as you took deep breaths and tried to control yourself so you wouldn't blow up the entire floor. 

 

"I wanted to grow old with him," You finally spoke, "He was supposed to be my _end_ ," 

 

"The heart makes one do strange things," T'Challa mused and you sighed as you pulled out the chain and stared at the ring that Bucky had given you a lifetime ago

 

"I had a daughter, you know," You spoke of her for the first time in far too long, "She died within a year but for that brief moment in time, I loved someone more than I cared for myself," 

 

"Did you have a family?" T'Challa's voice was soft 

 

"Of course I did," You breathed, "Everyone has a family," You twisted your fingers in your lap, "I had a mother and a father, like everyone else,"

 

"But do you remember them?" His question wasn't surprising but it did catch you off guard 

 

"I remember  _some_ things," You confessed, "It was a long time ago," You breathed, "I might've been around for a while but I'm still  _human_. I don't remember everything," 

 

T'Challa took a breath to speak but the door burst open as Steve rushed towards you 

 

"You," You growled as your hands glowed and Steve's eyes went wide with shock

 

"Now," T'Challa's voice warned you, "You do not want to do this here," 

 

You stared at Steve as your eyes glowed with the King standing between the two of you 

 

"Give her time," He spoke softly as you avoided Steve's gaze

 

Steve's jaw tightened as he nodded and left the room, looking back to you a few times and T'Challa sat down again

 

"How much do you know?" He met your eyes and you shook your head, "About the Accords,"

 

"Nothing, really," Your voice was hoarse, "Just what the news mentioned," 

 

"Perhaps it is for the better that you speak to Captain Rogers," He stated and you looked him with defiance, "I understand your distrust of him but you must speak to clear a lot of things. Including why Sergent Barnes  _asked_  to be put to sleep,"

 

"He  _asked_?" You couldn't believe your ears but T'Challa nodded and your eyes fell to the floor

 

You hugged your knees as you pulled away from the glass of the chamber. The cold was seeping into your bones. He offered your his hand so you could stand and a part of you understood the treatment that you were getting from T'Challa. He  _respected_  you; for your age, for your life and for the deaths you had seen along with the parts you had played. 

 

"Tishala is waiting for you outside," He explained and you nodded

 

"Thank you," You said softly, "For everything. You're a good man," 

 

He nodded but he was still unsure if he was to be a good man or a good king. 

 

* * *

 

 

You didn't encounter anyone on your way back to your room. You had Tishala to thank for that as she used routes that hardly anyone knew of. Every palace had secrets of it own. 

 

"Could you ask the King if it would be alright for me to visit Bucky?" You asked unsurely, "Maybe I could read to him,"

 

"I will let you know," She said with a soft smile

 

Tishala reminded you of a grandmother. Not yours, you didn't really remember having one. No, she reminded you of the essence of what a grandparent should be. She was kind and warm, most of all, she had a smile that could make you feel at ease. 

 

You washed your face with cold water and she cleaned up the bedroom slightly.

 

"You will have dinner here, right?" She looked at you knowingly and you nodded

 

"I'm not up for a lot of social visits right now," You agreed with a sad smile, "Would you stay for a while?"

 

"Of course, child," She said softly and sat down at the edge of the bed

 

It was almost as if she  _knew_  you needed the maternal love, something which you hadn't known for far too long, "You know when my little ones are sad and aren't going to sleep," She began, "I always sing them a song," Tishala gestured for you to get tucked in 

 

"Which one?" Your voice was small 

 

"It is called Lala Kitoto," She smiled and began to sing the soft melody 

 

You hadn't felt so at peace in the longest time and her voice was serene enough to make you go to sleep. Perhaps it was the long flight and the emotional shock that had come right after or maybe it was that she just knew that you were tired, you had been tired for so long and now, her soft Swahili lullaby was somehow taking it away. 

 

* * *

 

"I can't believe you didn't tell her, man," Sam shook his head

 

"I didn't think to-," Steve protested 

 

"That's the problem," Clint scolded, "You didn't think! And I'm saying that, jeez," 

 

"Okay, I get it," Steve groaned, "I fucked up," He held his face in his hands and Scott gasped loudly

 

"Captain swears?" Scott looked at everyone

 

"Dude, I don't know who you've been talkin' to but Rogers has a potty mouth," Sam stated and Clint nodded in agreement 

 

"Why did you keep it from her?" Wanda asked Steve softly as Sam, Clint and Scott talked to each other

 

"She wouldn't have come if she knew," Steve confessed

 

"She would've come," Wanda tore away from Steve's gaze, "She would've," 

 

* * *

 

You successfully avoided Steve for almost a week. However, it also meant that you couldn't see Bucky because Steve was always roaming in those corridors. 

 

* * *

 

"He's lookin' for you," Sam called out as you sat on thick branch of a tree

 

"Tell him to stop," You shot back and Sam laughed 

 

"Can I join you?" His voice reached you and you finally looked down

 

"If you can get up here," Your gaze narrowed and Sam chuckled 

 

After almost fifteen minutes of hard labour, he joined you as you made room for him 

 

"He's worried," He finally repeated himself

 

"And here I thought you came here to talk to  _me_ ," You said sarcastically

 

"Pretty girl like you? I'd forget his golden ass any day for you, darlin'," He flirted and you laughed loudly

 

"You're a whole lot of trouble," You smiled

 

"Yes, ma'am," He winked at you and you took a deep breath

 

"So, why are you  _really_  here?" You looked at him and his smile faltered

 

"Steve _is_ worried about you," Sam frowned and you rolled your eyes, "No, really, man. He's worried," 

 

"Yeah, well," You sighed, "He should've thought about that before lying to me and  _smuggling_  to another continent," 

 

"Ouch," He flinched, "Bad decision on his part, but you've known him since _the stone age_ , so, you gotta know that Barnes used to be the brains of all his darin' do," 

 

Your face broke into a soft smile and you nodded, "Yeah, Bucky was majority of his impulse control," 

 

"Look," Sam began as he started to climb down, "Talk... To the guy... If you don't like... what he... says," His feet landed on the ground, "If you don't like what he says, well then, Wanda can hold him while you punch him. Clint promised popcorn and Scott could make a video," 

 

"What about you?" You laughed

 

"I'll be cheering you, sweetheart," Sam shot back and left you to your thoughts

 

 _It wouldn't hurt to listen, would it?_  You thought to yourself 

 

* * *

 

"Dinner in room?" Tishala asked and you shook your head

 

"No, I'll have it with everyone else," You said unsurely 

 

"I will keep some in room for you," She offered, "Just in case you come back early," 

 

You were beginning to realize that you just adored the woman. She just  _knew_  what you needed and how you were feeling even when no words were exchanged.

 

* * *

 

Dinner went without incident. Sam flirted with you shamelessly and you didn't mind either because you knew he wasn't serious. Flirting was almost second nature to him and you liked it. He flirted with every human being with a pulse. Sam was all fun and jokes and everyone loved it. 

 

Steve's brows were furrowed throughout and he made very little conversation. Scott and Clint didn't care as they had their own banter going on. Wanda ate quietly. 

 

"Can I walk you back?" Steve asked softly and you nodded 

 

His hand pressed against the small of your back as he guided you out of another door than the one you'd come from. 

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Your voice was cold 

 

"He told me not to," Steve's voice was small and at first you didn't even hear him properly 

 

"Excuse me?" You seethed, "And you're a fucking  _adult_! Both of you are! How are either of you still making decisions for each other?"

 

"Y/N," He began but you cut him off

 

"No," You said sharply, "Don't  _Y/N_  me! I'm so done with both of you. We're not kids anymore. This isn't some back alley fight that you had to hide from me," 

 

Your eyes burned with tears again, surprising even you because didn't think you still any left to cry. 

 

"You two were _frozen_ ," You voice became deadly, "You don't know what I've lived through,"

 

"You can't possibly," He began again but you shook your head

 

"No, Steve," You gasped for air, "You don't understand,"

 

"Then tell me!" He almost screamed in the deserted corridor

 

"I'm over 300, Steve!" You matched his volume, "I'm  _exhausted_! I came here because I wanted to be with Bucky, like before. I came here because I thought I could trust you to tell me the truth!" 

 

"He lost control, Y/N!" Steve's eyes shined with tears, "There's..." He took a deep breath, "There are words that if anyone says, they can turn him into the Soldier. Buck wanted to go to sleep because he wanted to be safe enough for you to love him,"

 

"I would've loved him no matter what," You whispered and showed him the ring that you wore around your neck

 

"That's why he went, Y/N," He sighed, "He  _knew_  that you'd love him. He just wanted to  _earn_ it back," 

 

"He didn't have to," Your eyes fell to the floor and instinctually, Steve's arms wrapped around you and you let him pull you into a hug, "He didn't have to," You kept repeating until you found exhaustion seep into your bones and you blacked out

 

* * *

 

"Is she alright?" Steve spoke to Tishala after he carried you to your room 

 

"She will be," Tishala assured her, "She has had a long life," She frowned, "For someone like her to still love, to still hope, well, it is a  _muujiza_ in itself," 

 

Steve looked at her because he didn't understand the word she had used

 

"A miracle, Captian," She smiled and Steve nodded, "Come in the morning. She will be happy to see you," 

 

"Really?" Steve chuckled

 

"She might have lived longer but no one has the wisdom of a _bibi_ ," She smiled, "A grandmother, Captain," She explained herself and Steve nodded again

 

Tishala was right. Age had brought you wisdom but your youth had kept you reckless and careless. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohky so the region in which wakanda is supposed to be - i looked it up - technically, Swahili should be the native tongue, apart from language - kinda like two official languages   
> so - i'll be just try to incorporate it ? but i'm relying to google translate so, i'm sorry if i fuck up
> 
> ALSO - guys!! look up the lullaby! it's literally the sweetest thing i ever came across and i was like - dayum - if my ma sang that to me, i might've gone to sleep ???


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> word of caution - it gets pretty emotional at the end

"So they took Ferdinand home," You read the old book, the pages were almost falling apart, "And for all I know, he is sitting there still, under his favourite cork tree, smell the flowers just quietly," You took a shaky breath, "He is very happy," 

 

It had been almost a month since you'd been visiting Bucky every morning and reading to him. You read him the story of Ferdinand the most; at least once a week. It resonated with you and you felt as if it could have been the story of Bucky as well. He never  _wanted_  to go to war but he knew his duties and he loved his country above everything.

 

* * *

 

"Is he doing any better?" You asked T'Challa whenever you saw him and his answer was always the same

 

"It is a process, Y/N," He would smile sadly and you would nod softly because you knew that even the most advanced technology couldn't erase what HYDRA had planted for years

 

* * *

 

You were sitting at the window with a leg folded beneath yourself and another leg dangling from the sill. Bucky had been asleep for six months now and you were beginning to lose hope. You swore to yourself that you would let yourself age and die this time, with or without Bucky because you were tired and you were only  _human_ _,_ you couldn't go on forever. 

 

* * *

 

"Is he doing any better?" You asked the same but T'Challa's face held a smile, not a sad one at that

 

"We'll be seeing very soon," He told you and you nodded absently until his words weighed down on you

 

"What?" You gasped, "You're... Are you?" 

 

T'Challa nodded, "There are still some tests to be done," He stated, "But we shall see," 

 

His voice wasn't filled with pity but rather, hope and even optimism

 

"How will you know that he's alright?" You couldn't help but ask

 

"We'll have to repeat the  _words_ ," He said sternly with his shoulders squared and his eyes focused forward

 

A posture stated loud and clear that it wasn't up for debate. After all, a King had spoken. 

 

* * *

 

"They'll be wakin' your boyfriend really soon, pretty lady," Sam smirked and you stared at him with wide eyes

 

"Who told..." Your voice trailed off

 

"Sweetheart, the others might be blind but I'm not," He winked, "You don't read to a  _sleeping beauty_  if you aren't in love," 

 

You blushed at the comment and he laughed as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders 

 

"Just picture it, baby," He said dramatically, "Me and you, getting Barnes jealous," 

 

You laughed loudly because if Bucky was to wake up like he was before everything then he would be very jealous

 

* * *

 

"What you lookin' at my gal for?" Bucky's voice low and threatening

 

"She ain't your gal," The man laughed, "She's there dancing with that sorry excuse for a man,"

 

"Dressed like that," Another man commented, "Who wouldn't look at her?" 

 

"Look,  _pal_ ," Bucky smiled charmingly, "Tell ya what, you leave this bar like a proper gentleman that you're tryin' to be, or..."

 

"Or what punk?" The man grunted and Bucky laughed so melodically that it confused everyone else too 

 

Your attention fell to what your boyfriend was laughing at as you danced with Steve and that's when you saw Bucky break a beer mug against some guy's face

 

"Bucky!" You squealed as the brawl began and you held Steve's hand so hard that he could feel a bruise coming

 

"Take it outside!" The staff yelled and you rushed to the people that owned the place to pay for the damages and took Steve and Bucky back to their apartment

 

"Both of you!" You scolded them all the way to home, "Children! Such children! I love children!"

 

"You love me, doll?" Bucky swaggered and you groaned

 

"Come on, Buck," Steve interjected, "Y/N was  _clearly_ talkin' to me. Ain't that right?"

 

"Yes," You said charmingly as you walked into the house, "I've loved you since I met you, Stevie,"

 

Steve squared his shoulders proudly and Bucky rolled his eyes as he sat down on the couch

 

"Told ya, Buck," Steve said smugly, "Pretty dame like her and you?" 

 

"Shut up, punk," Bucky made a face and you laughed

 

"Well, that's not true," You explained as you ran a towel under cold water, "I find Bucky  _tolerable_ ," 

 

"Is that it?" Bucky laughed and you straddled his lap as you wiped his blood from his brow 

 

"Just about," You whispered softly and Bucky's hands fell to your waist 

 

You leaned closer and you rested your forehead against his

 

"Why'd you fight?" You asked slowly

 

"Was starin' at you," He told you grumpily

 

"That's what men do," You explained, "They stare. You can't start fights just because someone's lookin',"

 

"Can and will," He challenged and you pulled away 

 

"Just 'cause someone is lookin'?" You cocked a brow and Bucky's innocent smile broke through 

 

* * *

 

"Trust me, Sam," You laughed, "Bucky is not the guy you want to make jealous," 

 

"Oh, the bad boy got a temper issue?" He gasped, "I could've  _never_  guessed that!"

 

"Temper issues only when it came to me and Stevie," You corrected him, "The number of fights those two got into," You pinched the bridge of your nose, "It's a surprise that either of them survived long enough to actually go off to war," 

 

"I thought Steve was the back alley fighter," Sam asked

 

"Oh, he was," You nodded, "Bucky got involved every time though," 

 

Sam laughed, "Those two are really somethin',"

 

"Closer than brothers," You hummed in agreement

 

* * *

 

Before you knew it, a month passed and preparations were being made to wake Bucky up. You read to him one last time and were usher out of the lab. Steve stayed throughout the procedure but you couldn't look at any of it. They were going to repeat the words and then see if their months of tests and progress had failed or worked. 

 

You could hear screaming even though you were very far from the lab. Things were breaking and Sam was trying to reassure you, whereas Wanda was with Steve, ready to take control of the situation if need the would arise. Tishala was with you too, sitting quietly because even she didn't know how things could turn out. 

 

Suddenly, silence fell and you couldn't hear anything. Your heart stopped beating because there was not a single sound rippling from the lab. 

 

Sam kept talking but you zoned out completely as you began walking towards the lab. You couldn't pinpoint when you started to run and it never registered to you that Sam was running after you. 

 

The doors came into view and you sprinted towards it. All sounds were lost on you and you saw the lab in complete disarray. Broken beakers, cracked computers, a two-way mirror that was  _almost_  broken through. Trays had been thrown around and some of the lights had been broken as well. Your eyes swept across the chaotic lab and you saw Bucky on the floor, on his knees and Steve holding him as both of them cried. You knelt down in front of them and your hand reached out to Bucky but his eyes were closed tightly. 

 

You didn't think twice and wiped the tears from his face slowly. His eyes shot open and you stared each other for what seemed like the first time. 

 

"Did it..." Your voice was failing you 

 

Steve was looking at you and his blue eyes were flooded as well. A strange silence engulfed the three of you and your eyes met Steve's, his voice was failing him too. Bucky's eyes were bloodshot and helpless, he was bawling as if a hundred years worth of emotions had suddenly reached the surface. 

 

All you could hear was Bucky's loud cries and Steve's shallow breaths. Your tears fell but no sound came from you and you moved closer to Bucky as he had doubled over while crying. You tried to wrap your arms around his broad shoulder and his shaking was seeping into you as well. Steve held the both of you and no words were exchanged. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did it work? did the words go away? or not? we don't know!! they're both crying!! are these happy tears? or the tears of realization that hydra fucked up bucky and that' he'll never be ohky?!?!?!?!??!


	9. Chapter 9

Your eyes burned with tears until they went dry and Steve had quieted down as well but Bucky was still crying. His loud cries had died down to soft weeping and he couldn't stop. Not really. You took a shaky breath, unsure whether the procedures had worked or not. You tore your gaze away from Steve and Bucky to look across the room. T'Challa stood at the doors that were open, his expression didn't give anything away, or maybe it did but your blurry vision wasn't very helpful. 

 

"Steve," You rasped, "Stevie," Your hand fell to his shoulder and he met your eyes, "Did it... did it work?" 

 

Steve gave you a tight-lipped smile and soft nod. You felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders and you understood that Bucky cries weren't out of frustration but rather they were because of the feeling of freedom. 

 

A few men entered and took Bucky with them, to help him clean up and settle him in his quarters. Steve went with them and you stayed on the floor. 

 

"He will be alright," A strong voice told you and you saw Wanda coming towards you

 

"He's tough," You tried to smile but the tears weren't stopping

 

"He will heal," Wanda assured you, "Will take time,"

 

"I have too much time," You confessed

 

"I looked into his mind," She suddenly said as she sat down in front of you, "He remembers you. _All_ of you," 

 

"You don't seem to be happy with that," You narrowed your gaze and Wanda looked away

 

"He remembers  _everything_ ," She whispered and that's when your heart dropped

 

"Oh no," You clapped your hands over your mouth and your heart broke

 

Bucky remembered things, that was good, but he remembered everything, that wasn't good. 

 

* * *

 

"Go out with me," Bucky smiled

 

"Now, why would I do that," You shot back 

 

You'd met Steve and Bucky a few months ago and had become really close with both the boys

 

"I see the way you look at me," He whispered in your ear and you almost shivered

 

"My eyes, Barnes," You composed yourself, "I get to look  _wherever_  I want,  _however_  I want," 

 

"Is that it, sweetheart?" He chuckled and you turned to face him, he was dangerously close and his hands were holding the sink behind you, trapping you, "Come on, doll, just one date. What could go wrong?" 

 

"We could end up hating each other and then Steve would have to pick between us," You said softly, "And we both know that you may be his best friend but he loves me more," 

 

"Or..." His voice trailed off as he stood barely a few inches away from you, "We could fall in love and Steve wouldn't have to pick," 

 

"You talk too much," You giggled and his smile made you weak in the knees

 

"You're welcome to shut me up," He stated cockily and you leaned closer, deciding that maybe one little kiss won't hurt 

 

Your lips brushed against his and he pressed his body against yours. Bucky's hands pulled you closer from your waist and you looped your arms around his neck. He tasted almost  _sweet_. To say that you felt sparks would've been an understatement. It was as if your body had been frozen and Bucky's lips had awakened or rekindled a fire that hadn't been touched for far too long. 

 

You pulled him in and his hands travelled below your hips as he picked you up and set you on the counter beside the sink. Your body reacted to him almost instantly as your legs wrapped around his waist. 

 

"I figured we can have soup tonight," Steve suddenly entered the small apartment and you two broke apart 

 

"Stevie," Bucky began, "You're home early," 

 

You slid off the counter and smoothed out your dress. You noticed that Steve was taking his coat off and hadn't noticed you and Bucky kissing. When Steve finally turned around, he saw your flushed cheeks. 

 

"Sorry about the heating in this place, Y/N," Steve sighed, "Bucky had to get that fixed," 

 

"It's alright," You turned to the calm yourself down, "I'll call someone  _myself_ ," 

 

"Hey, I forgot," Bucky defended himself and Steve was avoiding eye contact with him, "You alright, pal?" 

 

"Stevie," You went up to him, "What happened?" You saw his swollen lip and a bruise forming on his cheek

 

It wasn't as bad as you'd seen him be. A few days would make it fade away and Steve would be good as new. 

 

"No big deal," He shrugged and Bucky joined your side

 

"Another fight?" Bucky groaned

 

"Hey, they had it comin'!" Steve argued

 

"You can't fight the world," You said softly, "Even when most of them deserve it," Steve smiled as he looked at you, "But at least you're getting good at it,"

 

"You're encouraging this?" Bucky looked at you

 

"We both know that he's not going to back down, so, he might as well know how to fight," You shot back 

 

"No, he needs to be safe and  _not_  start fights in alleys!" Bucky shouted and you groaned

 

"You're not gonna be around to babysit him all the fucking time, Bucky!" You matched his volume, "Steve should know how to defend himself!"

 

Bucky and you began arguing and Steve rolled his eyes as he moved around the apartment, making dinner for the three of you. The fighting between you and Bucky had become background noise for him. 

 

"This is your fault!" Bucky shouted

 

"Oh, yes! This is my fault," You laughed, "He was fighting way before I met you lot and he will continue after I'm gone," 

 

"Wait, what?" Bucky halted suddenly, "Where are you going?"

 

"What?" Your voice dropped too

 

"You said after you're gone," Bucky's voice softened, "Are you going away?" 

 

"If  _mom and dad_  are done fighting," Steve's voice cut through the sudden quietness, "Dinner?" 

 

* * *

 

"Will you not be visiting the Sergent?" Tishala entered your room 

 

Bucky had been awake for almost a week and you didn't know how to approach him. Steve had told you that when Bucky had finally calmed down, the weight of his past actions had begun to take a toll on him.

 

"I'm not sure," You answered truthfully 

 

"Captain Rogers said that he is doing better," She told you and you nodded, "Perhaps you should read to him when he is asleep?"

 

"I could," You agreed, "But I don't know what would I say to him if he woke up,"

 

"Finish the story that you wish to read," Tishala told you slowly, "And then, you talk to the man you once knew. Talk to the man you loved. Talk to the man that you are willing to love," 

 

* * *

 

Another week passed and Bucky was under extreme surveillance. Steve told you that his nightmares were all over the place but it was going to get better. You weren't scared of him, how could you be? You loved him too much. However, you were afraid of triggering something that could push him over the edge. 

 

* * *

 

"So, why the doom and gloom, baby?" Sam visited you in your room

 

"What are you on about?" You cocked a brow

 

"Your boyfriend woke up and I've heard that you didn't see him," He looked at you before falling into your bed in your feet

 

"I saw him," You stated as you pointed out that you were there after he was woken up

 

"Babygirl," Sam groaned, "Why you gotta play?" You made a face and shoved him playfully with your foot

 

"What game am I playing?" You gave in

 

"If you're in love with me," He laughed, "All you gotta do is say so," You huffed and he chuckled, "We'll tell Barnes together that I stole his girl," 

 

Sam winked and you smirked, "You're terrible," You told him 

 

He spent the afternoon with you to make sure that you were doing alright. Scott joined you two and the day passed lazily. You noticed how whenever Steve wasn't with you, someone else would be giving you company at all times. Whether it was Tishala or Sam or Scott, someone would always be around. 

 

* * *

 

"He asked about you," Steve told you, "Said that he doesn't blame you if you don't want to visit him,"

 

"You know that's not why I haven't gone," You looked at Steve and took a deep breath, "We used to fight _all_ the time, Stevie,"

 

"You two didn't fight," He chuckled and you rolled your eyes

 

"Really? What would you call those shouting matches?" You nudged him 

 

"As I recall that most of those  _fights_ were because of me," He smiled

 

"No, they weren't," You narrowed your gaze, "Explain,"

 

"You guys always fought when I got into alley fights," Steve shrugged, "You taught me how to defend myself and Bucky thought that it was encouraging me to get into fights,"

 

"You're a fugitive now," You smirked, "I'd say Bucky was right," 

 

"Come by sometime," He told you again

 

"Come with me," You asked him and he nodded

 

"I'll be right there," He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and pulled you into his chest, "I'll always be here," 

 

* * *

 

It was almost a month after that you gathered the courage to actually see Bucky.

 

"Hey, Buck," Steve went in before you, "Got a visitor for you today,"

 

You saw that Bucky was sitting by the window like he would when he was living in your house. A leg folded beneath himself and another dangling off, the toe just about touching the floor. Bucky turned toward Steve lazily and then his eyes fell on you. 

 

"Hi," You couldn't push out any other words

 

Everything seemed to have stopped and melted away when your eyes met. It felt eerily similar to when you'd found Bucky in Washington. Bucky had a ghost of a smile on his face. He got up slowly and took a deep breath. Steve had left the room but you didn't know. You felt frozen. 

 

He reached out with his right hand and tucked a stray hair behind your ear. You swallowed visibly and his voice brought you to reality.

 

"Hi," Bucky's voice was low and raspy 

 

"I'm..." You began but your voice cracked so you cleared your throat to start again but the way Bucky's eyes were drinking in your image was making your head spin

 

"What?" You finally asked as he kept looking at you

 

"Your eyes," Bucky stated, "They change colour in the light," 

 

* * *

 

"Stop, stop, stop," Bucky asked you suddenly as you walked in your garden and he trailed behind you

 

"What?" You turned around to face him as he leaned against a tree

 

"Did you know your eyes change colour in the sun?" He smiled and held your hands to pull you close enough so he could kiss the tip of your nose 

 

You laughed loudly, "Eyes don't change colour," 

 

"Yours do," He shot back and you rolled your eyes, "No, really, they do! They go a few shades lighter when the light hits your eyes just right," 

 

"Yours don't," You narrowed your gaze at him

 

"Yes, they do," He smirked and you cradled his face as you looked at him closely

 

"Let me see then," You said with seriousness as you stared into his eyes, "Knew it," You said smugly, "Eyes don't change colour," 

 

"No," He said softly, "But they give me a reason to come closer to you," Bucky's hands pulled you until you were flushed against his body 

 

* * *

 

Your face broke into a smirk and Bucky smiled too

 

"I missed you _so_ much," You said shakily and felt the tears come again

 

Bucky moved quickly and he wrapped his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly as he breathed in your scent. You cried on his shoulder because, for the first time in your life, the universe had been kind to you. You felt his left arm wrap around you and his right hand hold your head as the fingers felt your hair slowly. 

 

When you pulled away, Bucky wiped your tears with the pads of his thumbs and your tear stained face looked at him properly. There were bags under his eyes and there was barely any colour in his cheeks.

 

"Steve told me you haven't been sleeping well," You told him and he looked away from you, "It's alright, you know," You explained as you guided him to sit with you by the window, "It's alright to not be okay," He nodded stiffly, "We're gonna figure this out together," 

 

"Together?" Bucky looked at you as you sat in front of him, close enough to touch

 

"Together," You assured him 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like - this "oneshot" will be done in a chapter or so 
> 
> next one might just be a ton of fluff and smut tho


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry 
> 
> i wanted to make it fluffy but angst caught up on me real fast!

Steve and Sam burst through the doors and you were pinned against a wall with Bucky's metal hand wrapped around your throat.

 

"Bucky!" Steve screamed, "It's Y/N! Let go!" 

 

Your eyes were watering and you were close to losing consciousness. Wanda followed closely and pushed Bucky into a slumber. You fell on the floor as you coughed and tried to catch your breath but when you tried to stand, you fainted due to lack of oxygen in your system.

 

"Take her," Steve whispered to Sam 

 

"He's too dangerous," Sam told Steve, "You need to tell her that or I will,"

 

"Sam," Steve began but Sam was already scooping you into his arms

 

"No," Sam said harshly, "They took away the words, not the training that it's runnin' in his blood," 

 

* * *

 

"Hey stranger," You blinked awake and you realized that speaking wasn't the smartest thing to you

 

Your throat hurt and you could feel the pain in a shape of a handprint. Sam was in the chair next to your bed and you didn't know how you into bed. 

 

"How you doin'? Sam asked cheesily as he got your water

 

You drank the cold liquid and it stung all the way down your throat

 

"What happened?" You whispered

 

"Barnes lost control," Sam sighed because he knew there was no point in sugarcoating it, "You can't be alone with him, Y/N," 

 

"He was doing better," You tried to assure him but he wasn't having it

 

"Yeah and then he  _wasn't_ ," He scolded you, "If it wasn't for Wanda, we wouldn't even have known that you were in trouble," 

 

You took a deep breath and used the energy you'd stored to heal yourself. Sam's eyes were glued to your throat as the purple faded away slowly and you got out of bed.

 

"I can handle it," You stated as you stood by the window

 

"You shouldn't have to," Same explained, "Look," He turned to you face him as he held your shoulders, "Let someone be there with you when you're with him,"

 

"He needs  _me_ ," You whispered, "Sam, he's been through so much and I just... I think I can do him this kindness,"

 

"My offer still stands," He smiled

 

"What offer," You cocked a brow

 

"That we tell Barnes that you're  _madly_  in love me, babygirl," He laughed and you rolled your eyes

 

"You're insufferable," You groaned and turned to the window again 

 

"You love it," He chuckled as you leaned your head on his shoulder

 

"I do," You told him softly because you truly did value the friendship that you'd come to find with Sam

 

* * *

 

"Wanna tell me what happened?" Steve came by after a day 

 

"He just had a relapse," You explained

 

"Bullshit," He smirked and you nodded

 

"I was reading to him and I don't know, I guess he dozed off, the next thing I knew is that he was screaming about me being a trick by Pierce," You sighed, "He kept saying that I died during the war and I'm an imposter," 

 

"Sam thinks that you shouldn't be with Bucky by yourself anymore," He said softly, "I think he's right,"

 

"You know that will make him feel like a prisoner," You stated, "He needs kindness and he needs it from _us_ ," 

 

"Y/N," He began but you shook your head

 

"No," You said, "I'm going to keep trying until I can't,"

 

"Until he kills you?" Steve said the dreaded thing that was on everyone's mind 

 

"Until I can't anymore," You nodded 

 

* * *

 

"You shouldn't come by anymore," Bucky told you when you visited him after a few days

 

"I'm fine," You assured him 

 

"I could've hurt you," He kept a distance from you 

 

"Bucky," You began but he took a large step away from you 

 

You sat down on the chair by the door and he sat by the window. Your mind was in turmoil. The man you loved was being tortured by himself and there was nothing you could do about it. 

 

"I brought another story," You told him as you flipped through the pages, "It's called  _The Tortoise And The Bird_ ," 

 

"You always bring children books," Bucky commented so softly and you almost didn't hear him

 

"Books for older people don't have moral lessons like these do," You explained as your finger ran over the delicate pages

 

"What's the moral of this one?" He sniggered 

 

" _A crowded hut is better than a lonely mansion_ ," You whispered and Bucky's scornful face softened 

 

* * *

 

"Why can't we stay at your house?" Bucky whispered in your ear as he got into bed with you

 

"Because I like it here," You reminded him

 

"Yours is bigger," He pointed out

 

"Yes, but this little place is homely," You smiled and he rested his head against your shoulder as his arms wrapped around waist from behind

 

"How'd I find you?" He mumbled as he left a trail of kisses

 

"Steve got into an alley fight, remember?" You laughed and you felt him smile against your skin

 

"Steve also can't walk in on us at your house," He said softly

 

"Well, if you didn't keep telling me to keep it down," You turned to look at Bucky, "He would know what he's about to see,"

 

Bucky's ears turned red with your comment and you giggled

 

"I'm telling you," You spoke softly, "If I could voice all the sounds you make me feel," You groaned and Bucky's flush spread across his face, "Everyone in the building would know that Bucky Barnes is a _very gifted lover_ ," 

 

You laughed and Bucky was speechless. It wasn't usual for Bucky to not have something to say but you almost always got it to happen.

 

* * *

 

"Lonely is fine if I don't hurt you," Bucky stated sternly and your heart broke because he was ready to push everything away 

 

You sat down the book and walked towards Bucky. He wasn't a small man but in this moment, he looked like a child and he seemed so helpless. His hair was slightly longer and he was hugging his knees, trying to make himself even smaller. 

 

"Bucky," You began, "Please don't shut me out," 

 

"I hurt you," He didn't meet your gaze

 

"But I'm fine now," You tried to explain but you noticed that he wasn't willing to listen, "Bucky," 

 

"No," His voice was harsh and it cut you like a knife

 

You couldn't remember a time when Bucky spoke to you in that tone. You swallowed hard and nodded numbly. 

 

"You're welcome to push me away," You stood up, "But my heart will always be open and I'll still be here after everyone's left. All you have to do is ask," 

 

* * *

 

"I want to make a request," You had asked to speak with T'Challa privately, through the royal process, as a subject, not a friend 

 

"Y/N," He began, "You are a guest in my home," 

 

"I stand before you as one of your many subjects, hoping that the King would do me this kindness even though he has done many for me and mine already," You spoke softly, avoiding his gaze entirely

 

T'Challa wasn't impressed with your knowledge of the royal process, but he was extremely appreciative of the way you treated him like royalty before seeing him as a friend. 

 

"What is troubling you?" He smiled 

 

"I want to leave for a while," You said slowly

 

"Leave?" He looked at you, "And go where?"

 

"I'm not sure," You confessed, "Maybe another city?" 

 

"I thought you were not going to run anymore," He cocked a brow and you took a deep breath

 

"I'm not sure what else to do," You frowned as your eyes fell to the floor 

 

T'Challa nodded as he walked on and you followed him wordlessly. He led you to the gardens. The sun was setting and the light was beginning to fade away.

 

"You know how every darkness promises a new dawn," He asked you and nodded, "This is the darkness before the dawn. Sergent Barnes has been in the dark for a very long time, the light makes him afraid," You nodded again, "He is afraid of you because you remind him of that light,"

 

"And Steve?" You asked 

 

"Steve was there in the darkness. During the war, during the fall of SHIELD," He explained, "You weren't. You were the sun for him,"

 

"How can you be so sure?" You narrowed your gaze

 

"You met James Barnes in 1935, I believe," T'Challa smiled knowingly, "You were his dawn," 

 

You were shocked that T'Challa knew the year. Frankly, even you didn't remember the year. Your memories were associated with moments, not time. 

 

"I'll be moving you closer to his quarters," He told you softly

 

"Yes, your Highness," You nodded and he left you standing in the gardens 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'ALL DESERVE SOME HAPPINESSSS

You hid away in your room for almost a week; making Tishala check the corridors before you left your room. It was very junior high to hide from your crush but the crush had tried to kill you and you weren't afraid of him, but you had been hurt by the fact that he was trying to push you away. It was confusing, to say the least. 

 

* * *

 

"How long are you going to hide away, child?" Tishala disapproved of your methods highly 

 

"I don't want to make him feel suffocated," You frowned, "I'm almost everywhere he turns," 

 

* * *

 

"Gettin' sloppy, babygirl," Sam laughed and you froze in the corridor, "I caught you," 

 

"Am not getting  _sloppy_ ," You said grumpily 

 

"Are too," He smirked and you realized that he was probably right, "Where you goin'?"

 

"Lunch," You pointed towards the way to the pantry

 

"How about we eat in my room?" He offered and you cocked a brow, "Steve's showin' Barnes around. They'll probably head to eat soon,"

 

You nodded, "Thank you," 

 

* * *

 

"Bucky, you gotta talk to Y/N," Steve tried again but Bucky shook his head

 

"I hurt her," Bucky repeated the same thing for the hundredth time 

 

"But she still came back," Steve reasoned, "Just  _talk_ to her,"

 

"She was stupid to come back," Bucky growled and Steve was taken back with the sudden change in his attitude

 

"Buck," Steve sighed, "I've known you all my life," He took a deep breath, "And I know I swore to be with you till the end of the line, but, this, all of this, this isn't helping anyone,"

 

Bucky met Steve's eyes and his brows furrowed

 

"Y/N cares for you," Steve stated once more, "She still  _loves_  you. Don't let her think that she's in the wrong," 

 

"She is wrong," Bucky mumbled and Steve took a deep breath

 

"Fine," Steve resigned, "But don't push away the only woman that has had her heart set on you for decades," 

 

* * *

 

Sam had taken you to his room and with all the wine with lunch, you were telling him stories about the good old days. You were sure that the laughter was echoing outside the room too but you didn't care. The buzz of the wine was welcomed after the stress of the months you'd been in Wakanda.

 

"You know," You laughed, "Steve walked in on me and Bucky  _37 times_ ," 

 

"Damn, girl, you kept a count?" Sam chuckled 

 

"Of course!" You giggled, "And that's just the times that we were  _really_ going at it," 

 

"Poor guy," He laughed, "Probably had to bleach his eyes," 

 

"Towards the end," You mused, "His reactions were just deep sighs and annoyance," Sam roared with laughter, "We weren't any decent about it either,"

 

"What do you mean?" Sam cocked a brow

 

"I kept inviting him in," You were laughing so hard that tears were falling from your eyes

 

* * *

 

"God," Bucky groaned, "You're perfect, so perfect," 

 

He was rocking into you slowly and touching your depths with each thrust. His lips connected with yours and he tasted salty because of the sweat that was glistening on his skin. Your nails dug into his shoulders as a leg wrapped around his torso. 

 

Bucky's lips dragged open-mouthed kisses along your throat as you moaned loudly. 

 

"Shhh," He said softly, "You gotta," He thrust into you all the way, "Keep," You moaned, "Quiet," 

 

You groaned and pushed him off. You straddled him and your nails left angry marks on his chest. With a roll of your hips, Bucky grabbed your thighs and soon enough, you were riding him. Your breaths deep and laboured as you two tried to keep it quiet because everyone knew that no married people lived in the apartment and sex sounds would've been very frowned upon.

 

You didn't care, you wanted to scream Bucky's name but Bucky wanted to keep a low profile. 

 

"Fuck," He grunted and you moved slower, taking him in deeper as you clenched around his length 

 

"Hey, guys, did you want-," Steve opened the door as Bucky came inside you and you two froze 

 

You wanted to laugh but Bucky was finishing inside you and you were trying not to keep rocking against him. However, you were thanking your lucky stars that Steve could only see your back and that Bucky was planted so deep into you that he wasn't visible either

 

"Again?" Steve sighed and closed the door 

 

"You're welcome to join us!" You shouted loudly, "23," You told Bucky and he rolled his eyes

 

"Can't hear you!" Steve yelled from the other side and you laughed as you leaned down to kiss Bucky again

 

"See?" You whispered against his lips, "This is was happens when you tell me to keep it down," 

 

"I love you," Bucky smirked and you looked at him with a grin

 

"I love you," You smiled as you kissed him again

 

* * *

 

"But you know," You remembered, "Sometimes, Steve would just slip out of the house and get into all sorts of trouble," 

 

"You're tellin' me that the  _great_ Captain America snuck out of the house to get into back-alley fights?" Sam laughed at even the notion of such a thing and you nodded

 

"That's  _exactly_  what I'm telling you!" You giggled

 

"Man, we need to eat together more often," Sam smirked

 

* * *

 

Another few weeks passed without incident and then the inevitable happened. You were in the pantry, getting yourself a midnight snack. Except, it wasn't a midnight snack because it was almost 2 in the morning. The Palace was asleep and you didn't want to bother the servants with your needs. 

 

You were quietly fixing yourself something to eat when the door creaked open. When you turned to look, your eyes met the same shining eyes that had left you breathless decades ago. 

 

Bucky didn't move as he stood frozen in the doorway when he saw you.

 

"Don't worry," You said slowly, "I was just leaving," 

 

You picked up your plate and left him in the pantry. You didn't want to, of course, you didn't want to leave. You wanted to hold him, tell him that everything would be okay and kiss him deeply. However, you also knew that you had to move at his pace, no matter how long it would take. 

 

Bucky nodded and kept his eyes glued to the floor as you brushed past him. He stayed still for a while after you'd left. He didn't want to push you away, he wanted your closeness, he wanted to feel you against his skin but he also knew that he dangerous. He was haunted by his demons but Steve had told him that you still loved him. Even after everything, you loved him and he couldn't understand why. 

 

He knew that Steve was his friend. Steve was there through his worst. He was there during the Accords and during the war, but so were you. Even then, he couldn't paint you to be a warrior. In his eyes, you were precious, delicate, fragile, whereas he was rough, broken, unwanted. 

 

Bucky's eyes darted through the pantry and he made a split-second decision as he walked out empty handed, making his way towards your room. He knew you were next to him, of course, he did. He was trained to observe his surroundings. He had also noticed that you tiptoed around him and avoided his paths. 

 

Before he knew it, he was standing at your door, unsure whether he should knock or not. He took a step back and decided against it. 

 

You'd thought you felt someone pacing outside your door, so you opened it and found Bucky walking away.

 

"Bucky," Your voice was so small that it was a miracle that he even heard it 

 

He turned and his eyes showed fear. Your fingers twisted over the doorknob as you turned it unsurely and bit the inside of your cheek. You two stared at each other in silence.

 

"Do you want to come in?" You asked hopefully, "I'm having a sandwich," You pointed a finger into the room, "We could share if you're hungry," 

 

* * *

 

"No!" You squealed, "No, make your own!"

 

"Oh, come on, doll," Bucky laughed, "You're supposed to  _share_ ,"

 

"I don't want to," You scolded him

 

"But I thought you  _loved_ me," He pouted

 

"I love food more," You whined but Bucky only laughed

 

"If you two are done," Steve spoke with a mouthful, "That was really good," 

 

The sandwich over which you and Bucky had been fighting, well, Steve had just eaten all of it

 

"My sandwich!" You gasped

 

* * *

 

Bucky nodded and you gave him enough room to enter, closing the door behind yourself. 

 

The quarters that T'Challa had provided everyone were basically like hotel suites. You gestured towards the sofa but he sat in the chair at the table.

 

You moved around the room silently as you took another plate and put half the sandwich in it and placed it in front of him. Bucky was still trying to make himself seem smaller. He hunched when sitting and kept his hands between his thighs with his knees closed.

 

You filled a glass with water and placed it next to the plate but didn't move away; almost forcing him to look at you. He didn't look up. You took your own plate and sat across him. You noticed that he was trying to not use his left arm at all costs. 

 

"How are you doing now?" Your voice echoed in the silence

 

"Better," Bucky stated but didn't meet your gaze

 

"Sleeping better?" You took bite of your sandwich and Bucky didn't answer, "I missed you," You said sincerely and that finally made him look up, you saw confusion in his eyes, "Don't be so surprised," You smiled, "I've missed you for a long time,"

 

"I'm not the same anymore," His eyes fell to the plate as he began to pick apart the bread

 

"I know," You nodded, "But I missed you because you weren't here, the way you are now,"

 

"Why?" He glared at you

 

"Why what?" Your brows furrowed

 

"Why did you miss me?" Bucky asked and you realized that he was asking why was he ever worth missing

 

You pushed your plate aside a took a deep breath, "I missed you for a lot of reasons," You began softly, "One of those is that I like having you around," 

 

"I hurt you," Bucky repeated the same statement and you sighed 

 

"Bucky," You said softly, "No, you have to look at me," He looked up and saw your smile, he was more confused than before, "You really think Steve's never hurt me?" 

 

"Steve?" He whispered and you nodded 

 

You stood up and pulled your chair closer to Bucky, "I don't remember if I told you or not... but it was after the experiment," 

 

* * *

 

"Steve," You gasped as you saw people take out your friend but it wasn't really  _him_

This Steve was taller, more muscular and cured of every allergy and sickness that he had. You saw Peggy was downstairs and suddenly the gunshots echoed. There was an explosion but because of the commotion, no one realized that you were supposed to die as well.

 

You saw him run out at a lightning fast speed and you were left alone. Your clothes had burnt off but the energy of the blast had just powered you up rather than disintegrate you. You slipped away and tried to find something to wear. Peggy had run out after the one who had fired the gun, Steve was close behind her. 

 

When Peggy returned, you were in a very weird outfit of ill-fitting. 

 

"The fire from the explosion burnt my clothes," You offered weakly and she nodded

 

"Did you get hurt?" Her eyes swept all over you

 

"No," You breathed, "Lucky, I guess,"

 

"Indeed," She stated and you opened your mouth to say something but that was when Steve finally came back and you didn't know how to react.

 

"You look taller," You commented

 

"I can breathe better," Steve laughed 

 

"You're as tall as Bucky now," You smirked and he hugged you

 

A sharp pain shot through you and you almost screamed. Steve suddenly let go and you fell to the floor.

 

"Careful, Rogers," Peggy scolded Steve and helped you up, "Are you alright?" 

 

"I think I felt something crack," You held your sides

 

* * *

 

"He broke your ribs," Bucky almost growled, his protective streak was showing and you knew that you were reaching out to him 

 

"No," You laughed, "I healed quickly but he did  _crack_  three ribs," 

 

"You weren't mad?" He looked at you and you shook your head

 

"I wasn't," You smiled, "Wanna know why?" He nodded, "Because it was an  _accident_ and I forgave him. He didn't even have to apologize,"

 

"I'm different," Bucky spoke softly and you nodded

 

"Yes," You whispered as you lifted his face to look at you by caressing his cheek, "You're different. You've been different from the start," You saw him swallow, "I've loved you for a long time, James Barnes," You smiled, "I'm not about to stop anytime soon," 

 

You leaned closer and he let you so you leaned your forehead against yours. Bucky took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

 

"I told you when you woke up," You looked into his out of focus eyes, "We'll figure it out together," 

 

"I'm broken," His voice was weak and pained

 

"And I don't mind that," You whispered as your noses touched

 

Inside you were hoping, praying,  _dreaming_  for Bucky to lean in just a fraction so you could kiss him for the first time in far too long. 

 

"Y/N," He mumbled and you smiled even though tears were beginning to form in your eyes

 

"What's on your mind, soldier?" You asked shakily as you pulled away to look at him

 

Your hand fell from his cheek to his right hand, which he held onto firmly.

 

* * *

 

"What's on your mind, soldier?" You giggled as you twirled in Bucky's uniform shirt

 

It wasn't buttoned and he could see the curve of your breasts through the open shirt. Your legs were bare and only a very sorry excuse for an underwear barely covered your womanhood

 

"You," Bucky smirked from the bed

 

"I think this looks better on me than it does on you," You said slowly and made your way towards Bucky, who was on the couch as you slow danced to the soft music playing the in the back 

 

"I'd prefer you without any of it," He said huskily as he pulled you into his lap 

 

* * *

 

 

"You," Bucky whispered slowly and you smiled, "I missed you," He suddenly knocked the wind out of you as his strong arms wrapped around you and he pulled you towards himself

 

You couldn't breathe properly because he was squeezing too tight but you didn't have the heart to tell him to let go. Bucky breathed in your scent and you relaxed into his embrace as he pulled you into his lap. It was an awkward angle but he was close and that was all that matters. 

 

You didn't even know that you were crying until Bucky pulled away and you noticed the wet little patch on his shirt. He wiped away your tears and looked into your eyes as if searching for an answer. 

 

"You're crying," Bucky stated with worry and you nodded, "I'm sorry," 

 

"No," You sniffed as you smiled even though the tears kept falling, "I'm happy,"

 

"Happy?" His brows rose slightly and you nodded again

 

"I'm happy that you came back to me," You said softly as you tucked a stray hair behind his ear, "I'm happy that you're letting me in," You caressed his rugged cheek, "And I'm happy that we're together," 

 

You saw Bucky's lips quiver and a smile formed slowly. He leaned closer but even then you couldn't comprehend what was happening until his lips touched yours. Everything seemed to slow down and it was only a chaste kiss, which was over as soon as it had begun. 

 

When Bucky pulled away, you rested your forehead against his, intertwining your fingers behind his head and shared your breathing space. 

 

"Missed you," His repeated with a low voice 

 

Bucky pulled you closer and you slid into his lap without hesitation. He kissed you again but it was different, it was urgent and  _needy_. You gave into him easily and his left arm kept you in place, whereas his right hand caressed your cheek and moved down to your neck. He was gentle, maybe too gentle. He tasted sweet as he swept past your lips and his tongue curled against the roof of your mouth. 

 

You couldn't suppress it, a moan escaped your lips as he kissed a trail down your jawline.

 

"Shhh," Bucky spoke against your skin, "We gotta be quiet," 

 

You chuckled as he smiled, not just a smirk or a ghost of a forgotten smile. Bucky smiled and it creased the corners of his eyes. Suddenly, his cheeks didn't look dull and colourless anymore and it seemed like he'd  _finally_  come home to you. 

 

"I love you," You breathed and he pressed his lips against your again

 

"Say it again," He mumbled against your lips 

 

"I love you," You looked into his eyes and he pulled you in for a hug, "I love you, I love you," You chanted softly in his ear as you ran your fingers through his hair 

 

"Can I stay?" Bucky whispered and you nodded against his neck as he held you 

 

"Always," You pulled away and got off his lap gingerly, "Come on," You gave him your hand and led him to the bed 

 

It was a different century when Bucky had shared your bed and as soon as his arms wrapped around your waist to pull you close, you realized that all the years in between were meaningless. 

 

* * *

 

Bucky's arms wrapped around you and it caught you off guard.

 

"What are you doing?" You laughed

 

"Tryin' to sleep," He kissed your shoulder, "So, you know, shush," 

 

"No, I mean," You turned to face him, "What are you doing in my bed?" 

 

Bucky and you had been together for a while but you would still sleep in different beds at night. When you sleptover, Steve would usually take the couch, whereas you would get on of the two beds in the apartment. However, this time, Bucky had gotten the couch and you'd been sleeping for a few hours.

 

"Doll, I'm tryin' to sleep," Bucky sighed dramatically 

 

"Bucky," You looked into his eyes and he smirked as he gave you a chaste kiss

 

"Couldn't sleep without you," He said softly and you giggled, "Doesn't make sense to sleep in different beds when we do  _everything else_  in one," 

 

You laughed loudly but he kissed you to quiet you down

 

"Stevie's sleeping," He explained and you nodded

 

You two looked at each other a while and he parted his lips to say something but decided against it

 

"What?" You asked but he shook his head, "Please?" Your voice was barely a whisper and even in the darkness you saw his eyes shine 

 

"Nothing to worry about, sweetheart," He said slowly as he made you turn back to your original position and held you so close that his chest was pressed against your back

 

Bucky kissed your shoulder again and you relaxed in his arms. You were almost asleep when you felt Bucky stir.

 

"I love you," He whispered softly and if you had fallen asleep, you could've never heard him

 

A smile broke out on your lips and your fingertips danced lightly on his hands. You felt him freeze in shock that you were awake but he slowly relaxed again.

 

"About time you were awake for it," Bucky chuckled 

 

"Oh?" You whispered and he kissed your neck

 

"Been sayin' it every night for five months," He confessed, "First time you were awake," 

 

"We've only been together for two months," You turned to face him again

 

"I've known you for almost five," He smirked and you understood that he was trying to explain that he had loved you since he'd known you

 

"I love you, too, Barnes," You rested your head on his chest and wrapped his arm around your shoulder

 

* * *

 

You were asleep and you didn't feel Bucky stir. He took a deep breath as he tried to remember your scent and every curve of your body that was somehow fitting into his like a puzzle piece falling into place.

 

"I love you, too," He whispered against your shoulder but you were in a deep slumber because your dream was lying in your bed and holding you in his arms 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bucky is doing bettteerrr but he's asleep and you're vulnerable!! just one or maaayyybe two chapters to go and then we'll be done! 
> 
> PS - i really think that AO3 should have a chatroom


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of angst  
> a bit of fluff  
> and in the end, smutttt

When you woke up, the bed was empty and your heart dropped. You took a deep breath and pressed your face against the pillow as you prayed for the sleep to consume you again. The bed dipped behind you and a cool arm pulled your close.

 

"I thought you left," Your fingertips danced on the metal arm

 

"Not again," Bucky whispered

 

"I can't keep losing you," You turned to face him

 

You tucked a stray hair behind his ear and caressed the rough cheek with a growing shadow. Bucky's eyes didn't seem so dull anymore and his cheeks were  _rosy_.

 

_Is he blushing?_  You thought to yourself and a smile crept across your lips

 

"What?" He looked at your soft smile as his gaze flicked from your eyes to your lips

 

"You're blushing," You pointed out, "Why?" 

 

"Because I got a beautiful dame in my bed," He spoke softly and you kissed the tip of his nose

 

"It's  _my_  bed," You reminded him and he smirked as he nodded

 

You knew that you were saying it far too many times but no matter how many times you did tell Bucky that you loved him or that you missed him, it just didn't seem enough. 

 

"I missed you," You breathed and he nodded again

 

"I know," He swallowed, "I'm sorry for leaving. If I hadn't gone to war, none of this would've happened," 

 

"We would've been old," You laughed 

 

"We could've been grandparents," He whispered and you sobered up instantly as he pulled out the chain that was around your neck, "You kept it," 

 

"Why didn't you tell me when you knew who I was?" You couldn't help it as the words slipped from your lips 

 

Bucky sat up and you rested your chin on his shoulder. There was a comfortable silence as he gathered his thoughts to explain why he hadn't told you.

 

* * *

 

"Why so quiet?" You nudged Bucky as he sat at the edge of the bed

 

His back was hunched and the sheets were draped across his lap. His short hair was messy and your nail marks streaked over his shoulders. The sun was filtering through the curtains and it was serene. 

 

"Just thinkin'," Bucky looked at your over his shoulder with a smirk

 

"About?" You cocked a brow as you softly traced the marks on his back

 

"Things," He chuckled and you got the hint that he was thinking about something he didn't want to bother you with 

 

You fell back into the bed with a soft bounce and Bucky turned to face you. His hand caressed your face as he leaned down and kissed you but when he pulled away, he had a sad smile on his face.

 

"What's wrong?" You frowned as you saw him avoiding your eyes

 

"I've been drafted," He took a deep breath and you world stopped

 

_No, no, no, no,_  You chanted in your head 

 

"Whe-," Your throat was too dry to speak

 

"Two weeks from tomorrow," He almost whispered and tears were forming in your eyes too

 

"Does Steve know," You decided to ask instead of  _Why?_

"No," He shook his head as he sighed, "Punk's gonna want to come too," He breathed a chuckle and you smiled too

 

" _End of the line_ ," You mimicked Bucky and he laughed as he moved you over to get back into bed

 

* * *

 

"Bucky," You broke the silence and he looked at you over his shoulder

 

In that moment, he seemed so  _young_  and without trauma. 

 

"I left you," He finally spoke

 

"You had a duty to your country," You reminded him

 

"The country that did this to me?" He held up his arm, "My country turned on me when they didn't let me die," 

 

You chest tightened but you knew he was right. He'd gone to war, he was ready to die for his country and it turned on him by stripping him of his choice to do so. Bucky took a deep breath again.

 

"I didn't tell you because," He began, "I didn't know if you still wanted me," 

 

"Bucky..." You tried but he shook his head

 

"Should've known better," He had a soft smirk on his face, "You took me in, you gave me everything I need and... I left," 

 

"It was for Steve," You pointed out, "I know you'd follow that boy into hellfire and boast about it too,"

 

"Boy?" He cocked a brow

 

"Oh, hush," You rolled your eyes, "I'm older than both of you together,"

 

"I always love older women," Bucky stated and you laughed, "I'm sorry for doubting you," He turned towards you as he held your face gently, "I shouldn't have doubted your heart," 

 

You smiled, "Forgiven," 

 

* * *

 

Bucky and you were doing better. It had been almost a month since he'd come to your room and he'd stayed the night. Steve had decided to grow a beard and it was always a conversation point. Nothing went further than a few kisses and cuddles between you and Bucky but you were content with it because at least you were  _together_. 

 

Another month passed and Steve was sporting a full beard. Sam kept making fun of him with Clint even though they knew that it looked pretty fucking good. 

 

"Steve, you look stupid," Clint sighed, "Y/N, please tell Steve that he looks  _stupid_!"

 

You laughed loudly as everyone passed judgment on Steve's beard at lunch. Wanda was indifferent to it and Scott loved everything Steve did. However, Sam and Clint weren't having any of it.

 

"He's right, you know," Sam pointed out, "It looks dumb," 

 

"Come on," Scott began, "It looks dope!" 

 

"And Bucky also said it looks nice," Steve tried to defend himself

 

"Stevie," You finally spoke, "You could die your hair pink and wear a tutu and Bucky would still think you look fine," 

 

Sam and Clint roared with laughter and Steve swore under his breath, which made the three of you shout "Language!" 

 

"That was  _one_  time!" Steve groaned

 

* * *

 

"Hey," Bucky whispered as he wrapped his arms around your waist as you moved around your bedroom

 

He was wearing a glove on his left hand because he still wasn't okay with having the metal arm. Half of his things were in your room but T'Challa had made it point that Bucky was to slowly move into your room with his own volition. 

 

"Tell me something," You asked and he nodded as he kissed your shoulder, "Do you like Steve's beard?" 

 

Bucky snorted a laugh and you smirked as you elbowed him, "Come on, tell me," 

 

"Punk looks like a fuckin' punk," He chuckled and you wiggled out of his hold as you dragged him with you, "Where?" 

 

"I'm going for dinner and you can't hide away in this room forever," You pointed out and he brought the puppy eyes, "No, no, no," Bucky frowned, "James," You warned and he suddenly stopped, "You can't hide away. It's been two months, you need to meet everyone,"

 

Bucky hadn't eaten with everyone in the lounge, still. It was mostly just you, him and Steve but you wanted him to see everyone and meet them too. In that way, perhaps his healing process could move faster.

 

"I already know them," Bucky scoffed and you rolled your eyes

 

"Please?" You looped your arms around his neck, "And we'll come back as soon as you like," 

 

He nodded and you kissed him. 

 

* * *

 

"Well, well," Sam shouted, "Babygirl decided to show her pretty face!" He then saw Bucky following you, "And her man's ugly mug," 

 

"Oh, you just wish it was you who was in my bed," You laughed and Steve rolled his eyes

 

"Every night, babygirl, every night," Sam winked and Bucky squeezed your hand a little too tight

 

"Careful," You looked at him, "Don't worry about Sam, he flirts with everyone,"

 

"Doesn't flirt with me," Bucky mumbled and you giggled

 

"Oh, are we jealous?" You smirked and Bucky groaned as he looked away

 

"Buck!" Steve called him over the table where Wanda and Scott were seated

 

You nodded and gave him a little push. He soon joined Steve with Wanda and Scott, whereas Clint was already by your side.

 

"So, how long until Cap has to bleach his eyes?" Clint whispered and you gasped

 

"You asshole!" You scolded Sam who doubled over laughing

 

"Babygirl, how could I  _not_  tell him?" Sam smirked and you rolled your eyes

 

"Fuckin' children," You stated as the two men kept laughing

 

"But, no," Sam finally caught his breath, "He doin' better now?" 

 

"He's getting there," You sighed, "The nightmares are really bad. He's fighting a losing battle because he can't run from himself," 

 

"What about you?" Clint cocked a brow

 

"What about me?" You looked at the both of them 

 

"Everything going alright with you?" Clint asked the obvious question

 

"I'm good," You said softly as you looked at Bucky

 

Bucky was smiling and Wanda was laughing as Steve told a story with animated gestures. He turned and stole a glance and you knew that you'd love him no matter what. Even if it meant going against the world, you would be with him through it all.

 

"Damn," Sam stated, "I know  _that_  look,"

 

"What **look**?" Your brows furrowed 

 

"The look where you want him to throw you against a wall," Clint shrugged, "The sexual kind of throwing," 

 

"You two are insufferable," You sighed

 

"Babygirl," Sam nudged you, "Let me get you laid,"

 

"Excuse me?" You cocked a brow

 

"Follow my lead, sweetheart," Sam kissed your cheek as looped his arm around yours and guided you towards the dining table

 

"What are-," You started but then understood Sam's strategy 

 

You didn't want to piss Bucky off but you would be lying if you said that you weren't curious as to how this could turn out. 

 

"Y/N," Bucky began but Sam made you sit next to him, across Bucky

 

"Sorry, Barnes," Sam shrugged, "You've kept babygirl away for far too long," 

 

" _She_ has a name," Bucky almost growled as he stared at Sam, who seemed completely unbothered 

 

"He's just trying to get a rise out of you, Buck," Steve explained

 

Wanda looked at Sam but soon realized what he was doing so she too didn't say anything. A rush of energy passed through everyone except Bucky.

 

_Sam is trying to Y/N laid_ , Wanda's voice echoed in everyone's head expect Bucky's, who needlessly noticed you blushing and everyone smirking softly 

 

"Somethin' going on?" Bucky looked around and you shrugged

 

"I don't know," You lied as you dug into your plate 

 

The evening seemed to pass by painfully slow as Sam had his arm over your chair and everyone was joking, whereas Bucky's eyes never strayed from Sam. Sam would lean in occasionally and whisper literally nothing in your ear and telling you to laugh. You never laughed but you would smile involuntarily because you were feeling so childish with the whole facade but it was also pretty funny.

 

"Bucky, tell them it doesn't look bad," Steve tried to get his best friend's help 

 

"What?" Bucky's attention wavered from you and Sam as he looked at Steve

 

"My beard," Steve pointed out, "You said it looked nice,"

 

"It looks fine," Bucky mumbled and when he turned, he saw you laughing with Clint talking to you in hushed tones

 

When your eyes met his, they were practically on fire

 

"Can we?" Bucky almost begged and you nodded

 

"Alright," You stood up with a stretch, "Wanda, boys," You smiled, "I'll see-," Before you could finish your sentence, Bucky was already dragging you along and you were halfway out of the room

 

"You okay?" You asked Bucky but he only grunted and your heart dropped

 

_Sam, I'm going to kill you_ , You promised yourself if Bucky got angry 

 

"Bucky," You repeated and he stopped right in front of your bedroom door, "What's going on?" 

 

"Do you want him?" Bucky's voice was dangerously low and you looked at him with confusion, "Wilson. Do. You. Want. Him?" 

 

"Bucky, I don't know what's gotten into you but  _fine_ , I'll play along," You twisted your wrist out of his grip, "No, I don't want anyone. No one but  _you_. When will you stop questioning it?" 

 

When he didn't answer you just sighed and opened the door. Bucky followed closely as you entered. You took off your shoes and there was an uneasy silence in the room. It had a _heaviness_ that you couldn't place. You reminded yourself to give Sam a talking to because his plan to make Bucky jealous was backfiring in a huge way. 

 

"Are you going to stay the night?" You asked as you went to the bathroom but Bucky didn't answer

 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath.  _Why is everything so tense?_  You just couldn't understand. 

 

When you walked out of the bathroom, that's when you decided to thank Sam because suddenly, the wind was knocked out of you as Bucky pressed against you and kissed you with a ferocity that you hadn't felt in decades. 

 

He tasted like the dinner you'd had a while ago and his hands were holding your waist so tightly that you  _knew_  bruises were going to litter your body the next day. You moaned into his mouth and he smirked into the kiss. Your body was growing hot under his touch and the wall behind you seemed suffocating as Bucky's knee applied pressure between your legs. Your hands found their way into his hair as you held on for dear life.

 

Possessive Bucky was an aggressive lover and you remembered it like it was just yesterday. However, this Bucky also had the Winter Soldier in him, so, it should've scared you, _god_ , it should've scared you so much but it didn't. It only made you more  _wanting_  of him. 

 

"Buck," You groaned as you pulled away to breathe but his teeth dug into your neck, biting and licking, soothing and painful in the same touch

 

"Mine," He growled and you swallowed 

 

"Yours," You nodded and his hands went below your hips, pulling you up, whereas you wrapped your legs around his thick torso instantly 

 

You could feel him growing hard between your legs and he was in sweats, so, the tent was becoming exceptionally prominent as the minutes passed by. Your back was pressed against the wall and Bucky was holding you up. Your breaths were laboured already as he left a trail of hickeys down your neck. You suddenly felt the cool air on your back as he carried your towards the bed and you fell into the softness of the mattress with a bounce. 

 

Your eyes swept over him. Bucky's eyes were almost black, all colour had been consumed by his growing lust. It had been a while for you since you'd been romantically involved with anyone but you had never even thought how long it had been for Bucky. A decade? Two? Maybe even more. 

 

You arched your back as you pulled off your shirt and Bucky's fingers hooked at your pants. With one swift motion, your legs and core were bare. Your knees were closed because honestly, it felt like the first time. Bucky's eyes drank in your image as you propped yourself on your elbows and cocked a brow.

 

"Like what you see?" You commented and you could've sworn that you heard him  _growl_

 

"Fuckin' love it," He groaned as he took off his shirt and peeled off the glove him his left hand

 

You were practically dripping at the sight of the metal fingers. You wanted them inside you, the cool metal touching your deepest parts, curling against your walls. You bit your lip he almost ripped off his sweats and you swallowed visibly. 

 

"I missed this," You smirked as you stared at his swollen member 

 

Bucky chuckled breathily as he climbed over you and captured your lips in another feverish kiss. You moaned into his mouth and wrapped your legs around his waist. You could feel him poking at your centre as you ached for him. 

 

" _Please_ ," You pleaded as he kissed down your neck 

 

He tweaked your peaks of your breasts between his fingers and you shivered as he kissed and licked your stomach, trailing lower, lower, and lower. You head rolled back as the cool metal touched your core and a moan escaped your throat. Bucky bent your knee over his shoulders and almost devoured your core. His warm tongue and the cool metal, the temperature differences made you overload with sensations. 

 

Your legs were shaking with pleasure as your thighs pressed together and squeezed his head. The stubble was creating a friction as you began to ride and before you knew it, your first orgasm was washing off in waves. Your hands went to Bucky's hair, instinctually pulling him up and kissing him fiercely. You could taste yourself on his lips, it was almost tart but you didn't care.

 

A string of words was leaving your lips that sounded something like a plea, begging for him but your body was still buzzing with orgasmic bliss that Bucky had bestowed upon you.

 

"I don't wanna hurt you," He whispered as he pulled away to breathe, "I'm stronger, I could... I could hurt you," 

 

"Fuck me already!" You growled as you pulled him closer and kissed him harshly

 

It was a mix of teeth and tongue with a sting on your lips along with the taste of copper, "Please, Bucky," You gasped and he filled you with one motion

 

It was the serum, he was bigger than your body remembered him to be. You felt like you could be split into two but  _god_ , it was so good and then he moved. Bucky started slow, pushing into you completely after he would pull out entirely; touching you deep inside with every thrust. Your breath was caught in your throat as your nails dug into his shoulders. Bucky's right hand pulled your leg up, wrapping it around his waist as he bit into your neck and licking to sooth the forming bruise. 

 

Suddenly, you felt yourself being lifted from the mattress. Bucky's back was pressed against the bedhead as he pulled you into his lap and the new angle let him touch your sweet spot with every movement. His left arm wrapped around your waist, helping you ride him as you knees were far too weak to do it by yourself. You breathed and chanted his name like a prayer as his thumb found your clit. 

 

Another wave of pleasure began to build in your stomach. A coil tightening to severely that it was threatening to break at any given moment. You clenched around Bucky's length and he nears his climax as well. His pace got sloppy and the sound of throaty moans along with skin slapping against skin filled the room, almost echoing with every thrust. 

 

You came again and as soon as you were coming down from your high, you felt Bucky finish deep inside you. His warmth filled you so perfectly that your body quivered again. Your knees gave out and you collapsed against him, breathing in his musk as sweat shined on both of you. 

 

As you caught your breath and Bucky pulled out of, he lied you down gently and got off the bed. Your eyes were glazed over and your body was still shivering with bliss. Bucky came back and cleaned you up before you tucking you in. He slipped into the bed next to you and pulled you close to himself. 

 

"I missed you," His voice was barely a whisper, "I'm not gonna lose you again," 

 

You nodded as you felt too weak to speak and you didn't trust your voice. A loud knock echoed through the room and you were suddenly wide awake. Bucky pulled on his sweats and you held the sheets to your chest as you sat up to see who it was.

 

Bucky opened the door to see Steve and Sam standing at the door.

 

"What's going on?" Bucky's eyes darted from Steve to Sam

 

"First of all," Sam began, "Cat-man hasn't given us soundproof rooms," 

 

Your face burned with embarrassment as you realized that you weren't exactly quiet and Bucky cleared his throat as he looked at Steve

 

"That all?" Bucky stated with calmness even though his ears were red

 

"No," Steve began, "Tony called," He took a deep breath, "Something big is comin'. We need to gather," 

 

"For fuck's sake!" You screamed as you fell back into bed

 

The universe seriously owed you a break. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAANNNNDD THAT'S ITTT
> 
> Thanos is cominnggg  
> dun dun duunnn
> 
> thank you for reading! i love you all!  
> if you have any teen wolf/ reader requests, hit me up <3

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment, i live for the feedback!! <3


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